Where Do They Find These "People"?

As I survey the Republican candidates for office in Arizona, I have just one question:

Where do they find these people?

I've never seen such a collection of...God knows what.

It's like if you combined a carnival freak show, with a mental hospital, with a Nazi rally, with the Island of Doctor Moreau.

It's not enough to be just an inveterate liar any more. 

This was, after all, the basis of the Republican Party for many, many, years.

But today you've got to add in fascism, racism, homophobia, misogyny, and good old fashioned treason, to be taken seriously.

And most importantly, you have to crawl on your hands and knees and beg a Traitor-Sexual Predator-Con Man-Pathological Liar-Tax Cheat-Crook-Multiple Bankrupt-Adulterer-Fraud for his approval.

Yeah, without Donald Trump's blessing a Republican candidate doesn't have a chance in Arizona.

So take what little self respect you have left, put it somewhere, and start groveling before a traitor.

That's what Kari "I'm Completely Unqualified To Hold Any Elected Office" Lake, Blake "I'm Peter Thiel's Lapdog" Masters and Mark "I Will Lie About Anything" Finchem did.

Not an ounce of dignity or humanity in any of them. All of them Stop the Steal true believers.

Again I ask, where do they find these "people"?

If any of these assholes gets elected, this state will go backward even faster than it already is.

Which would make all the MAGAts happy. 

Next stop 1850!

Signor Baseball's My God The Season's More Than Half Over Better Late Than Never MLB Predictions

So, it's a little late.

Ok. It's a lot late.

I've been busy.

Not exactly sure doing what...but something.

Anyway, here goes:

AL

I do not trust the Yankees in the playoffs for the simple reason that they can't seem to beat Houston on a consistent basis. And chances are they won't hit 3-4 home runs in every playoff game. Plus their pitching is still inconsistent. (Some things never change...)

So, they will win 108 to 112 games, everyone in NYC will start dreaming of another World Series, and then they will run into better pitching at some point in the playoffs, the homer binge will dry up like last week's flowers, and that, as they say, will be that. This has happened consistently now for over a decade, but "hope springs eternal" et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Still, it will be fun watching Judge hit home runs, knowing that each one will add a million dollars a year to his next contract. 

For a while it looked like all three wild cards would come out of the East, but the Red Sox, Rays, and Blue Jays have started to come back to the pack, and now it will be 6-7 team horse race--including the the three East runners up, the Guardians, White Sox, Mariners, and Orioles (quelle surprise!) for the three slots.

Elsewhere, the Astros are a lock in the West and the Twins have to worry about both Cleveland and Chicago catching them in the Central. If that happens, throw Minnesota into the wild card mix.

And, yet again, the Angels have wasted a year of both Ohtani and Trout's prime. Two of the best players in the MLB have never even come close to sniffing the playoffs. I don't know who's running that franchise, but he should probably do us all a favor and start looking for a new job. 

NL

Those dreams of a Mets-Yankees World Series have withered like last week's flowers. Atlanta is hot on the Mets' tail, and based on past performances will catch them in mid August/early September. However, New York should still grab a wild card slot, and if Scherzer and DeGrom are healthy, can make some noise in the playoffs. Two very strong starters can take you a long way. You only have to look at the Nationals a couple of years ago, or, for you older folks, the Diamondbacks in 2001. In Philadelphia, the Phillies will have to content themselves with the prospect of a wild card.

In the Central, the Brewers and Cardinals will be neck and neck all the way to the end, with the loser having a strong shot at a wild card.

And in the West, once again the Dodgers are far and away the class of the division. Both the Giants and Padres have a chance at a wild card. 

Finally, the Diamondbacks aren't nearly as bad as last year. They aren't good, either. Next stop is mediocrity. Based on where they were, a .500 season would warrant a parade. But that will have to "wait until next year."

And Arizona's fans can content themselves watching all the former D-Back players in the playoffs with other teams. They should be used to it by now.

The Easiest Cure For Traitors And/Or Treason

So I'm watching The Guns of Navarone the other night.

Pretty good action flick. Solid performances from everyone--with Anthony Quinn especially good. Should probably be remade with modern special effects...

Anyway, at one point in the film, one of the team is found to be a traitor. 

Their treason has endangered the mission and all the other members of the team.

Of course, the traitor has their reasons. 

Traitors always have their reasons.

In the film a short discussion regarding the traitor is followed swiftly by execution.

That's it. 

That's all.

No appeal. 

No Fox News counter argument to obfuscate everything.

No Republican "what about?" bullshit. 

You are a traitor.

This is your punishment.

I guarantee if we put a few of our traitors up against a wall, this sort of shit would never happen again.

The Republican Playbook

1. Get elected any way you can. 

Lie cheat steal. It's all good if it gets you elected. 

Take money from any corporation, billionaire, or foreign state that offers it. It all spends the same.

Blow that racist dog whistle. Blow hard! All of those people who say, "I'm not a racist, but..." will appreciate your efforts.

Make up shit about voter fraud. Smart people realize that it is so infrequent and so statistically insignificant that it can barely be measured. But our base isn't smart, so...knock yourself out!

To attract independents, make up some bullshit about inflation, or baby formula, or Afghanistan, or somebody's laptop. Is Benghazi still a thing? Please, please, please let it be!

Whatever deviance you practice, claim your opponent practices it first. 

Do whatever you can to keep people of color from voting. Same thing applies to young people of all ethnicities.

Remember, rampant hypocrisy is a feature--not a bug. 

2. Once in office:

Continue spreading all the garbage that got you elected. You now have a pulpit. Use it!

You have one job: and that is to help the richest people get richer. Know which side your bread is buttered on, for Christ's sake.

After all, poor people are a drag. They need things. You know, food, education, affordable housing, health care they can afford. And, on top of all of that, well, let's call it what it is, BEGGING, they don't have any money to help your campaign.

STOP anything that might be good for the majority of Americans. Sane gun control, universal health care, higher minimum wage, etc etc etc. Repeat after me, You Are Not There To Help The People Who Need It. That's socialism, after all.

And always remember this: We are all good Christians--and they're not.

Sadly, despite your best efforts, and all that Koch and NRA and foreign money, ultimately you may lose re-election. So make sure that you've fucked up so many things, so thoroughly, that the Democrat who replaces you will have a mountain of things to fix.

3. Then, and this is the really fun part, start complaining as often and as loudly as possible, that they haven't fixed everything fast enough.

Kari Lake Needs Help!

I don't know Kari Lake.

I don't think I know anyone who knows Kari Lake.

Blessedly, we don't travel in the same social circles.

But if anyone reading this knows her, or knows someone who knows her, I'm begging you to organize an intervention.

She needs help. Poor little thing thinks that being a news reader--not even a real journalist, just a news reader--on a Fox propaganda station, in a minor media market, somehow qualifies her to be Governor of Arizona.

Of course, this is not unusual in Arizona Republicans. Our current Governor's sole qualification for office was being an ice cream salesman, after all. So, as they say, the bar is set very, very, low.

I'm not questioning Kari's Republican bona fides, either. She's got them down pat. The groveling and genuflecting to Trump, the haranguing about THE WALL, the fear mongering about hordes of immigrants, the lying about President Biden, the questioning of the legitimacy of the 2020 election. All of the standard Republican reactionary bullshit rolls off her lips so easily. It's really something to behold.

No, what causes me to ask for an intervention for dear Kari is that she promised recently, if elected, to hang a painting of Der Trump, dressed up as some sort of Revolutionary War soldier, in the Governor's office.

And that is a bridge too far. Cadet Bone Spurs as a soldier?! Puhleeeze.

(I suppose, somewhere in the deep dark depths of the internet, you could find a portrait of Hitler as a rabbi...you see what I'm getting at here?)

Anyway, if you truly care about Kari Lake's mental health, such as it is, get her some help, and quickly.

See, Arizona being what it is, if the Republicans can suppress enough Democratic votes, a former Fox News' reader with limited intellect, spewing venomous nonsense, might just be our next governor. 

(By the way, none of the other Republicans running for Governor are appreciably better. Maybe a little less strident, a little more polished--but they are all still pushing the same sad bullshit.)

Still More Thoughts. Still More Prayers.

Here's a thought:

GUNS ARE THE PROBLEM

And only an imbecile still doubts this.

Here's a prayer:

I pray that all of the people who love their guns more than they love their fellow humans DIE from their one true love. 

Please let them take the politicians, NRA, gun manufacturers, and media people who support this madness with them.

And the sooner the better.

Looks Like Blake Masters And Jim Lamon Are Traitors, Too

The calculus on this isn't too complicated.

Both of them have their heads so far up Trumpie's ass that they can count the polyps.

That makes them traitors.

This isn't complicated.

You support a traitor, you're a traitor, too.

No ifs, ands, or buts. 

If that weren't bad enough, and for the Republican Party it obviously isn't, their policies make them demi-fascist assholes. 

And yet one of these two might be the Arizona Republican Party's candidate for the United States Senate.

Whichever gets the nod, they will no doubt get 100% of the ass hat clown vote, and, if our Republican controlled legislature continues fucking with our right to vote, that may be a majority.