"It Kills Me Not To Be There In The White House"

So sayeth Willard Mitt Romney.

Putting aside for a moment that it would kill most of the rest of us to have him in the White House, not to mention the irreparable damage it would do to what's left of the Constitution, the social safety net, the Middle Class, and on and on, I have a simple solution to Mitt's malaise:

Take some of that money you have hidden in the Caymans, or Switzerland, or under the floor boards of the Temple in Salt Lake, you know, the fortune you made stripping companies, outsourcing jobs, and ladling on crippling debt--all the while paying yourself enormous consulting fees--and build yourself your own personal Really White House!!!

Then you and Ann and Tagg, and Slagg, and Gagg, and Ragg, and all the rest, including the dancing horse, can pretend to be POTUS and FLOTUS and all their little JERKUSes!!! Delusional fantasies are fun!! You'd think a Mormon would understand that.

So Willard, stop whining! Don't forget, you're a doer, not a taker.

Besides, there might be a pretty penny in this for you. All those people who have never accepted that we have a, gasp, black President, need a place to go. Charge admission. Pretend to govern. Make treaties. Hold state dinners. Enact imaginary laws to benefit your rich buddies.The possibilities are endless.

I tell you, there's money to be made. Lots and lots of money. And where you hide it is nobody's business but yours.

God Bless America!