Today's Chuckle

The other day, one of the buddies of Governor Doug "Cup or Waffle Cone" Ducey was quoted as saying that Arizona needed to get rid of Common Core and instead institute "Arizona" standards for education.

What makes this so funny is that Arizona has no education standards. We've proved this for many years now. Many of our elected officials are proud of this fact. Indeed, they run on a promise of maintaining it. And since they continue to be elected and re-elected, the typical Arizona voter must agree with them.

We also have no standards for political candidates. We prove this on a daily, if not hourly, basis, too.

Obviously, these two missing standards go hand in hand.

Oy Vey!

So Bibi Netanyahu will say anything to win an election?

There's a big surprise.

And having won, he will then retract what he said to appease the U.S. ?

Another big surprise.

Of course, the biggest surprise is that anyone still believes he won't do everything he can to destroy what's left of the Palestinians. After all, that has been the heart and soul of Israeli policy since the very first Zionists.

I mean, come on! Who you gonna believe, Bibi or your lying eyes?

Hey, I understand why Israel needs us.

But for the life of me I can't think of why we need them...except, perhaps, to salve our feeling of residual guilt about the Holocaust.

Oh, and by the way, John McCain telling President Obama to get over his "temper tantrum" is the funniest thing I've heard in awhile. McCain's entire political career has been an off and on temper tantrum.

And it's been continuously on since the 2008 election.

Field Guide To The 2016 Republican Presidential Candidates

Marco "Don't Forget To Hydrate!" Rubio

Jeb "I'm The Smart One--No Really!" Bush. (Honestly, in that family, he just might be. But isn't that very much like being the tallest pygmy?)

Mike "Hey, I Got To Jam With Ted Nugent!" Huckabee

Chris "What Do You Mean Lard Isn't A Food Group?" Christie

Sarah "I'm Still Here And I'm Still Babbling Incoherently" Palin

Scott "Ruining A State Is Just The Beginning" Walker

Ted "Living Proof The Ivy League Isn't All It's Cracked Up To Be" Cruz

Rick "The Glasses Make Me Look Smarter, Right?" Perry

Rand "Fill In The Blank" Paul ("I mean, really, I'll say whatever you want me to say. Just tell me what you want me to say.") AKA Rand "I Honestly Can't Open My Mouth Without Saying Something Stupid--God Knows I've Tried" Paul

Ben "Being A Surgeon Requires Less Intelligence Than You'd Think" Carson

Donald "If I Were A Human Being I'd Be Appalled By Me" Trump

Willard Mitt "Wouldn't It Be Easier If I Just Bought The Presidency?" Romney (Willard says he's not going to run and, by God, I believe him! Just like I believed him when he said he cared about poor people...)

Of course, there's always room in the Klown Kar for one more...

You Know Austerity Doesn't Work, Don't You?

You've got to give it up to Arizona Governor Doug "Cup Or Waffle Cone?" Ducey and all of his ideologue Republican buddies in the free range madhouse we call the Arizona State Legislature. They have a plan and they won't let reality get in their way while they implement it.

No, because, like crazy people everywhere, they have their own reality, and by God, they aren't going to let facts mess with it.

It's like trickle down economics: 30 plus years of trying it, and what do we know? It doesn't work. It has never worked. It will never work. But let's keep doing it, OK?*

And so the state of Arizona is now officially embarking on an austerity program.

Because, uh, I don't know...stupid?

Naturally, this austerity program applies mostly to poor people, sick people, and students. Fuck 'em. Bring back the poorhouse, I say! Just make sure Charter schools and For Profit Prisons are funded. That's what makes a state "great" after all.

The fact that austerity doesn't work has been proved, and recently, too, in Greece and Ireland and several other European countries.

If that's too removed from "The Best Country There Ever Was Or Ever Could Be" (after all, what do foreigners know about anything?) then we need only look at Wisconsin and Kansas, where Genius Brownback and Genius Walker have tried it, to predictably disastrous results.

And do you know why that is?

It's really very simple.

AUSTERITY DOESN'T WORK.

But by all means, proceed Governor...

*To be fair, if you want to make rich people richer, poor people poorer, gut the middle class, destroy unions, outsource every possible job, then trickle down works like a charm!

Whatever...

So Bill-o O'Reilly-o is a, what's the word? Oh yeah, liar.

This is something that anybody with a functioning brain realized many years ago.

Of course that leaves out the vast Fox News' audience.

And so it won't make any difference to them.

Just like it doesn't make any difference to Fox News's owners.

That would be Rupert Murdoch and his Saudi partners.

Lying, as Jon Stewart pointed out, is their brand.

And they've made a pretty penny off of it. That's all that matters...

So, naturally, they are happy to let Bill-o bluster and brag and distort and threaten to his heart's content.

Oh yes, and by all means, continue to lie. About everything and everyone.

Because, repeat after me, "nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people."

On the contrary, there are vast fortunes to be made from it.

Climate Change Doesn't Care Whether Or Not You Believe In It

So the Koch brothers and their buddies can buy up all of the Republicans (and, to be fair, a few Democrats, too).

And they can find a small handful of scientists to pay off. There are always people willing to say whatever they've been paid to say--however absurd.

Naturally, Fox News will be happy to repeat all of the lies and misinformation ad infinitum.

In the end, it won't matter.

Eventually we will reach a tipping point so obvious and so severe that even the typical "well informed" Republican voter will have to acknowledge it--or not. Doesn't really matter.

Because lies and dissembling are human inventions, nature remains unimpressed and unmoved by them.

So buckle up, it's going to be a bumpy flight.