Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Field Guide To The 2016 Republican Presidential Candidates

Marco "Don't Forget To Hydrate!" Rubio

Jeb "I'm The Smart One--No Really!" Bush. (Honestly, in that family, he just might be. But isn't that very much like being the tallest pygmy?)

Mike "Hey, I Got To Jam With Ted Nugent!" Huckabee

Chris "What Do You Mean Lard Isn't A Food Group?" Christie

Sarah "I'm Still Here And I'm Still Babbling Incoherently" Palin

Scott "Ruining A State Is Just The Beginning" Walker

Ted "Living Proof The Ivy League Isn't All It's Cracked Up To Be" Cruz

Rick "The Glasses Make Me Look Smarter, Right?" Perry

Rand "Fill In The Blank" Paul ("I mean, really, I'll say whatever you want me to say. Just tell me what you want me to say.") AKA Rand "I Honestly Can't Open My Mouth Without Saying Something Stupid--God Knows I've Tried" Paul

Ben "Being A Surgeon Requires Less Intelligence Than You'd Think" Carson

Donald "If I Were A Human Being I'd Be Appalled By Me" Trump

Willard Mitt "Wouldn't It Be Easier If I Just Bought The Presidency?" Romney (Willard says he's not going to run and, by God, I believe him! Just like I believed him when he said he cared about poor people...)

Of course, there's always room in the Klown Kar for one more...

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