Another Bush?! Rand Paul? Rick Perry? Scott Walker? Marco Rubio? Ted Cruz? Chris Christie? (Shudder)
Hey Guys! It's not your candidates, though face it, they are, almost without exception, loathsome, demi-humans.
It's your stupid shit, ante-bellum, anti-women, anti-gay, anti-minority, anti-workers, anti-sanity, anti-environment policies.
Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mention this because I care about the future of the Republican Party.
Fuck the Republican Party. Seriously.
No, I mention this because every single thing you do is just so aesthetically unpleasing. It harshes my mellow.
Anyway, I know you won't listen because, despite your overall awfulness, you'll still pull in the hillbilly, racist, homophobe, misogynist, free market, Ayn Rand, Luddite, Creationist, Bible thumpin', regressive, gun lovin', mouth breathing, brain dead, xenophobe dipshit vote.
You know, the Big Tent.
Plus, whatever the failings of your candidates, you can always count on handouts from the vile billionaire Koch brothers and their ilk, who collect and trade Republicans like kids with YuGiOh cards. To re-purpose an old Churchill (or perhaps GB Shaw) quote: "We've already determined what you are. Now we're just haggling about the price."
So hey, never mind. Keep up the good work!
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