Husband Of The Year

No, no, it's not Donald J. Trump.

He's already in the Hall of Fame of Husbandry, pornstar schtupping division.

No, today we're talking about Duncan Hunter, a Republican congressman (of course), who just threw his wife under the bus.

See, a fairly large sum of money was, uh, allegedly misused by DunkDunk and his missus. (Republicans have such an interesting relationship with money.)

And the federales want to know "why?"

Which is kind of surprising, considering that the DOJ is being run by a white supremacist peckerwood who seems to be only concerned with keeping "the coloreds" in line, y'all. Besides, what's more Republican than white collar crime? Nothing!

Anyway, DunkDunk's response is what guarantees him being Husband of the Year.

(I'm paraphrasing here, but you get the essence) "Gee, I don't know. I have nothing to do with it. My hands are clean. Ask her." Her being his wife, Mrs. DunkDunk.

Hell of a guy. Just the sort you want deciding important national issues.

No Big Parade For Cadet Bone Spurs!?!

#SAD.

And he was all set, too.

Got the cadet uniform out of mothballs.

Ordered a plus-plus size corset from Lane Bryant.

Asked Kim Jong-un if he could borrow one of those big hats that the North Korean generals* fancy. (Must keep the, uh, "hair" in place.)

Practiced his Mussolini jaw thrust.

Dusted off that Purple Heart that some delusional idiot gave him.

Watched Apocalypse Now again.

Got his G.I. Joes out of storage.

And now it's all for naught.

#SAD.

*(By the way, what's the deal with all those medals the North Korean generals wear? I may not be up on my Korean history, but I can't think of a war that North Korea has been in in the last 64 years. So what were the medals awarded for? Participation? Like in kids' soccer? Here's a juice box, a graham cracker, and a nice shiny medal! Or maybe you just get one every year you manage to stay alive with a murderous psychopath in power...In that case, we should ALL be getting some soon.)

How The Hell Did Omarosa Get Into The White House In The First Place?

Oh, that's right! Dipshit asked her in.

Just like he asked the white supremacists and the Nazis and the crooks and the incompetents and the  morons and the plain, garden variety liars. Welcoming them all with open arms.

One big, happy, family.

When you're a complete asshole, you like to surround yourself with your kind.

It's comforting...

"Only the best people." Remember?

And of course he uses the "n" word. Is there any doubt?

Tired of winning yet?

Dumb, And Working Very Hard To Get Dumber

It will no doubt shock you to learn that 3 of the 4 Republicans running for Superintendent of Public Instruction in Arizona think creationism and intelligent design should be taught in the public schools.

From the Republican perspective it is obviously very important to keep as many people as possible as stupid as possible.

Otherwise, where will the next generation of Republicans come from? You know, those "low information voters" beloved by our Traitor in Chief.

We keep hearing about how important STEM classes are...and then the good folks at GOP Inc want to add a fairy tale section to science class.

I thought that was what Sunday School was for...

As anyone who reads the letters to the editor of the Arizona Republic knows, there is no bottom to the stupid in this state.

It's like a fucking black hole, sucking in all who approach.

And spitting out good, brain dead, free market, law and order, build the Wall, not-a-clue, Republicans.

"Russia, If You're Listening..."

Please take him.

Please?

It's only fair. He's yours, after all. You made him.

Take his whole family. They'll fit right in. They're kleptocratic scum without an ounce of empathy or humanity. Ring a bell?

Now, the boys are very stupid, it's true. But you've dealt with your share of imbecilic scions in the past. It comes with the territory.

And the girl, well, she has some serious Daddy issues...You have psychiatrists in Moscow, right?

We will throw in his entire cabinet, too. It's a package deal. You could put them on display by Lenin's tomb. Keep your children in line by frightening them with the perils of unchained capitalism.

Oh, and make room for approximately 30 million frothing at the mouth morons. We will pay the freight.

They're his base, and he'd be lost without them.

Doesn't matter where you put them. A gulag in Siberia sounds about right.

Or, you could just slaughter them. Up to you.