Tuesday, September 30, 2014

I'll Leave A Light On

Did you know that Jesus is coming soon?

Yeah, me neither.

But according to noted theologian, and Duck Dynasty guy, Willie Robertson, He is.

So it must be true.

Because if you can't believe reality TV faux hillbillies who can you believe?

This is America, dammit!

Robertson bases his predictions about the J man's imminent return on the coming release of a Nick Cage movie. Just like the Council of Nicaea did.

The flick, called  Left Behind, is yet another of those Rapture movies that simple minded hicks can't seem to get enough of. It's like crack for them. Or maybe Oxycontin...

If you'll recall, a while back, Robertson, channeling the spirit of Jesus, and charitable, open-hearted, God is Love, Conservative Christians everywhere, had some truly enlightened things to say about gays.

This raises an interesting theological question: What happens if a gay Christian is "enRaptured" (so to speak)? Does He spit him or her back? Or does some sort of super duper conversion therapy happen on the trip up to Heaven?

Well, Willie, what about it? You're the expert, after all.

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