As I sit here, sipping my sambuca and pondering the glory that was Rome, I'm starting to warm to the whole Republican Tea Party "I got mine--@%#&* You!" mantra. Because, like any good Patriot, I have grievances.
First of all, I've been paying for the public schools through my property taxes for years and my kid goes to a private school. He's doing just fine--thanks for asking--and I really don't care what kind of education your kid gets. In fact, to hell with your kid. So, I'd like all that money back.
Secondly, I don't need a freeway to Mesa. I have no intention of going to Mesa, so don't tax me to build roads to Mesa. Or Gilbert, or Surprise, or any of those sad little places. I only need roads to places I go. To hell with all those places I don't go, and the people who live there. I don't need them.
I don't need libraries either. Close them all, sell the buildings and the books, and send me a check.
I don't need police--I have a gun. Don't need the fire department either. So give me that money back, too. If your house catches on fire, as far as I'm concerned that's your problem. And don't bother me with your problems.
Poor people need my help? @%#&* 'em. That'll teach them to be poor. They get what they deserve. Hungry children? @%#&* 'em, too. They should've picked wealthier parents. And don't even start with all those 'desperately ill' people looking for a handout. Is it my fault they're sick? No, it is not. Just keep them away from me, OK? I have rights, too, you know?
The whole idea of community and a public commons is socialist bullshit. Me, me, me, me. Mine, mine, mine, mine. Gee, this is fun!
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