The N.R.A. Man of the Year

You can stop voting, we have a winner! The N.R.A. Man of the Year is from Chandler, Arizona. It had to be Arizona, of course, and it might as well be Chandler, where the official town motto is "We're somewhere south of Tempe, just keep driving."

Our winner won his title by the time honored method. He shot himself. Where? Well, that's where it gets fun! This young Charles Bronson wannabe shot himself in what used to be called, in far gentler times than these, "his private parts." That's right. No doubt imagining himself as an undercover cop, or maybe even a hitman, our hero tucked his piece into the waistband of his pants and Kablooey! You know, I bet that really hurt. Pretty bloody, too. But he was probably able to distract himself from the pain and gore until the ambulance came by reciting the Second Amendment, over and over again, like a mantra.

Since these are not the "gentler times" I mentioned earlier, thanks to the paper we know that he shot his penis and not his testicles. Therefore we can assume that this genius is still able to reproduce. Which means we can count on more potential challengers for the title of "N.R.A. Man of the Year" in the not too distant future.

Not to worry, though. Darwin was right about many things and the herd has a way of thinning itself out.