Wednesday, December 7, 2011


J. Danforth Quayle, who many of you may remember as one of our more laughable Vice Presidents, ("No Jack Kennedy"? Hell, he was no Roman Hruska), has weighed in on the 2012 Republican presidential contenders.

Quayle, who is most famous for the trouble he had with words from a 3rd grade spelling test, and whose most recent contribution to democracy was the siring of Young Ben Quayle, Arizona's "ass-kicking" freshman Congressman, (that's what Young Ben promised to do when he got to Washington and who am I to argue with the scion of such a distinguished family?), has used the sacred podium of The Arizona Republic to give his endorsement, which is worth more than gold, to one Willard Mitt Romney. Say what you will, but Rich White Guys stick together.

Quayle's bloviating contains the expected potshots at President Obama. (No Republican can be truly whole without them.) And I quote, "As Americans observe the wreckage of our country over the last three years..." Three years? Really? So the country was wrecked on Obama's watch? What about the eight years prior to that? When we were ruled by a simpleton and a sadist? Those don't count, huh? Oh Danny, Danny, Danny. What a sad and empty little man you are!

Here's another pearl from J. Danforth: "Because of President Barack Obama's (Hey he left out the Hussein! Somebody's ghost writer is slipping!) failed leadership, Washington has become dysfunctional."

No, Danny, Washington is dysfunctional because your party takes its marching orders from a radio talk show host and a lobbyist, and its one concrete goal is to destroy the President. Not to create jobs, not to end the wars, not to restore our country. Just to destroy the "uppity" black guy. Oh yeah, and to keep taxes low on the very rich and the corporations, too.

I won't trouble you with the rest of his crap. Let's just say that J. Danforth has a very strong man crush on Willard Mitt, who is, in his eyes "capable", "a leader", with a "deep love of the principles that make America great." Cue the Battle Hymn of the Republic and light the fireworks.

Anyone with a conscience would be troubled by this complete disregard for facts. Not to worry. Quayle is a Republican, after all. And a close adherence to the truth doesn't really enter into that. Besides, the Republic's My Turn column has never been too concerned with facts. It is, after all, an opinion piece, and for today's GOP, opinion always trumps facts.

So there it is. One country club, silver spoon Republican schmuck endorsing another. And all is right in their world.

PS My favorite part of the whole Jan Brewer vs the Redistricting Commission imbroglio was the rumor that Young Ben Quayle's Mom, who apparently is right up there with Liz Cheney and Barb Bush in the roll call of vituperative bi-atches, upon hearing that the proposed new district would pit Young Ben against another Republican, maybe even a qualified one, (hahaha!), got on the phone to Jan "Chuck Tell Me What To Do" Brewer and demanded that she do something about it. Everybody involved denies it, of course, but it sure sounds like something that could happen in the grand old state of Arizona...

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