Friday, July 13, 2012

When Lap Dogs Collide

I thought I had said all I needed to say about Wil Cardon in my groundbreaking post from earlier this year. As you may recall, it was entitled, definitively, if I do say so myself,  Wil Cardon is just another Republican Putz. I was certain it covered everything you could ever need to know about young Wil Cardon. I was equally certain that because Mr. Cardon is a featherweight intellectually, and has the political savvy of a bag of dirt, even an institution as dissolute as the Arizona Republican Party would not take him seriously. I mean, they already are, let us say, top heavy, with people possessing those exact qualities. And really, who needs one more like that?

But, alas, the world is a funny place, Arizona is funnier still, and because Wil Cardon has millions of dollars to spend on himself, he is still a candidate for the United States' Senate seat of the old anteater himself, Jon "Not Intended As A Factual Statement" Kyl.

Here's where it gets fun! To run in the general, Cardon has to defeat Jeff Flake in the primary. Jeff Flake, for those of you too benumbed by Republican incompetence to notice these things, is a U.S Congressman from the hillbilly heartland of Arizona. He can best be described as Rand Paul lite. And no, that's not a compliment. As far as I can tell Flake hasn't done one thing for the people in his district. Because "Government is Bad!! Ronald Reagan said so!!" His constituency hates big government--except for the services they themselves need to survive. This is the "keep your government hands off of my Medicare" crowd in a nutshell. "Don't do anything to help anyone else--but keep my checks a comin'" is their mantra.

So Wil Cardon is in a pickle. How do you attack someone from your own party who is doing just exactly what the nitwits want him to do? How do you outflank somebody on the right who already has two wheels in the right hand gutter?

I know! Make shit up! Cardon's ads, and they are plentiful, play up Wil's great achievements as a job creator. Turns out he owns a bunch of Subway sandwich shops. More minimum wage jobs is apparently the only Republican answer to America's shrinking middle class. The ads go on to make Flake sound like a dangerous Big Government, dare I say it, liberal! That's just stupid, of course, but who knows, maybe it will play with the more inbred Mormon Tea Party crowd.

Let's be clear about one thing: neither of these boys should be considered fit to serve in the Senate. I mean honestly, shouldn't a certain level of intelligence be a minimum requirement? But since Arizona has swung disastrously to the right politically, and will soon be known as "the third Carolina", one of them will probably end up being addressed as "Senator".

In the meantime we are treated to the laugh-a-minute entertainment of Jeff and Wil mano a mano!

Many years ago, as I was wandering around New York's Upper East Side with a couple of friends, we were treated to the sight of two tiny little pampered lap dogs barking away at each other. That's what I'm reminded of by the ongoing spectacle of Cardon vs Flake.

Now, I don't mean that in a pejorative sense. I mean it in a descriptive sense.

No comments: