Wednesday, December 31, 2014

The Year In Confusion

Let me be the first to wish you a Merry...oh...uh...

Let me be the first to wish you a Happy New Year!

Things we learned in 2014:

If you can find a way to restrict minorities and younger voters from voting, you can win elections even with a collection of sociopathic morons for candidates.

The poor deserve to suffer.

Some Republicans are felons, and some Republicans are white supremacists. And I know I might be going out on a limb here, but some are probably both.

In general, dictators have very poor senses of humor.

It's always OK to shoot black men. No ifs, ands or buts. After all, it's one of our Second Amendment rights.

Cops have feelings, too. In fact, they can be downright whiny, pouty, little bunnies when they get their feelings hurt. But they can still get away with shooting you, so watch out! And always do what they say, especially when they're sexually assaulting you.

Unlimited money pumped into elections is exactly what the Founding Fathers had in mind.

A Democrat pretending to be a Republican will always lose to a Republican pretending to be a human being.

The Big Lie, that political tactic beloved by Republicans everywhere, still works.

The law of the land is whatever Antonin Scalia decides it should be at that particular moment. But don't worry, it will be applied as unevenly as possible.

Apparently, Kenyan anti-colonial socialism is the best thing that ever happened to the stock market.

And finally, now that noted semiologist Rush Limbaugh has told us, plainly and with his usual level headed good humor, what color James Bond is, perhaps he could tell us what color Jesus was.

Peace on Earth, Joy to the World, Don't Drink and Drive, blah blah blah...

See you next year.

No comments: