Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Bumperstickers For Potential Republican Presidential Candidates

Since the average Republican's attention span is very short, it's extremely important for all Republican candidates to have short, pithy, easily remembered, bumpersticker length, catch phrases to sear into their fans' tiny little brains:

Trump: I'll Keep The Darkies In Line!

Cruz: Rush Loves Me!

Kasich: I'm Still In This Thing, Right?

Trump: Heads Will Roll!

Cruz: Jesus Loves Me, Too!

Kasich: I'm Here If You Need Me!

Trump: You Think Keeping All These Lies Straight Is Easy? Ha!

And who can forget, try as we might, the also rans:

Rubio: Help! I've Repeatedly Fallen And I Can't Get Up!
Jeb: Remember All The Fun We Had When A Bush Was President?!
Christie: If A Morbidly Obese Lying Bully Is What You Want, I'm Your Man!
Carson: I'm An Idiot. Vote For Me and You Can Be An Idiot Too!
Carly: Golden Parachutes For Everybody!

But of course, for the true blue believers there is only one who touches the blackest corner of their hearts:

Trump: No, Really, I'll Keep the Darkies In Line!

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