1. Try not to laugh.
2. Don't expect to understand what he's saying. No one does.
3. Don't panic. That's the way he shakes hands with everyone.
4. Try not to laugh.
5. Just when you think he's done talking, he will start up again on a completely unrelated topic. So don't interrupt.
6. It will seem like time has stopped and you are trapped in some sort of Bizarro Hell. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Repeat.
7. Try not to laugh.
8. Even when he says something that sounds hilarious to you, always remember that he has no sense of humor, and these are not attempts at humor. He is being, in his mind, "Presidential".
9. Please don't stare at his tiny, childlike hands. He's very sensitive about them.
10. Focus on something pleasant. Puppies. Kittens. Ice cream. Puppies and kittens eating ice cream. That sort of thing.
11. Feel free to let your mind wander. His certainly does. Like the song says, "turn off your mind, relax, and float downstream."
12. Try not to laugh.
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