Only The Best People

Remember when our #FakePresident told us that he only knew the best people and his administration would only hire the best people?

Feels like a few centuries have passed since then, I know, but it was only little more than a year ago.

So, let's take a look at how some of "the best" people are doing.

Mike "Junior Jesus" Pence: any man who is afraid of what might happen if he's left alone with a (gasp) woman not his wife probably shouldn't be a heartbeat away from anything, let alone the Presidency. In general, people who think God is talking to them should be avoided, if not institutionalized.

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions: uh, whoever thinks it's a good idea to have a fucking white supremacist piece of shit running the Justice Department raise their hands. That is if you can, what with that sheet you're wearing.

Betsy DeVos: choosing someone with no practical knowledge of, or belief in, public education to run the Department of Education is exactly the kind of thinking we've come to cherish from our Flaming Orange Anus in Chief. Bravo sir, bravo!

Rick Perry: just another Republican idiot. No, the glasses don't make you look any smarter, Rickster. If only it were that easy.

Dr. Ben Carson: goes to show there are black idiots as well as white idiots in the Republicans' big tent. Some call that progress.

Wilbur "Ethics? What's That?" Ross: you'd think being on the board of one of the most corrupt banks in the world, the Bank of Cyprus, would disqualify you from being Secretary of Commerce. You'd be wrong. How about nodding off during meetings? No? Oh, I get it now. He makes Trump look virile and vital by comparison.

Steven Mnuchin: Stevie has him a trophy wife! But it sure wasn't for first place. Doesn't matter. They've both nestled up to the Government teat, and they are going to suck it for all it's worth.

General John Kelly: a racist, sexist, liar. It must be like looking in a mirror for Der Trump. Oh, wait. Kelly is a decorated Marine general, too, and not Cadet Bone Spurs. Uh, remind me again when we last won a war? Thank you for your service!

Scott Pruitt: you can't say that the Trumpster doesn't have a sense of humor. Most people would naturally assume that the EPA was created to protect the environment (I mean, Christ, it's in its name). And not to facilitate its rape and degradation, which is the only thing that Scott "First Class Is The Only Way I Can Fly" Pruitt is interested in. 

Jared "Side Hustle" Kushner: what can you say about this kid? Peddling his "influence" to whoever has a dollar. Slum lord. Tax cheat. Liar. "The apple doesn't fall very far from the tree" pretty much sums it up. His Dad is a crook, too. So naturally, he married into a family of criminals. They're not very good at it, but still, it's the thought that counts.

And let's not forget Steve Bannon, Roger Stone, Paul Manafort, Michael Flynn, Sebastian Gorka, Stephen Miller, Hope Hicks, Sean Spicer, Reince Priebus, Sarah Huckleberry Sanders, the Mooch, and each and every one of that crack Trump legal team.

If these are the best, sweet Jesus who or what would be the worst?