Poor Newt Gingrich. He's been a low life piece of scum for his entire political life--but somehow people just didn't notice.
And so, since no one pointed out how truly awful he was, Newt came to believe that he was a super Patriot, and a towering intellectual, indeed the only worthy heir to Jefferson, Madison, Lincoln, Churchill, Napoleon, Casanova--hell, let's throw in Heraclitus and Edward Gibbon, too, just for good measure.
And a fellow possessing qualities like that has to run for President. Settling for anything less would be tantamount to treason. Depriving America of that sort of leader would be criminal.
So, Newt runs for President, and he finds out really quick just how the American People feel about him.
And not just the hateful Democrats, and the wicked Liberal Media, but also his fellow Republicans, the party to whom he has given his life's blood, viciously attack him. Oh, the ugly, ugly stories they tell about Newt!
The worst part is that the stories are all true. All the bullshit he's been shoveling for the past 20 years has hit the fan at the same time. And Newt suddenly finds himself covered with it, from head to toe.
Turns out the American people may indeed hunger for a Jefferson, Madison or Lincoln. But a Newt Gingrich? Not so much.
Oh well, he'll always have Tiffany's.
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