Starring Ron Gould As The Rifleman

Arizona being what it is, our esteemed legislature, led by Ron Gould, R-Gun Lobby, is doing its damnedest to allow guns, rifles, bazookas, etc on our college and university campuses. Because anything less would be an infringement on our 2nd Amendment rights.

And there's nothing that pisses a hillbilly off more than having his 2nd Amendment rights trampled on by anyone.

(Unless it's something to do with Mexicans...that really pisses them off, too. So you can't say that our desert hillbillies don't have a variety of interests.)

There should be something somewhere in the Constitution about having our lives endangered by letting a bunch of gun lovin', half wits run roughshod over the rights of everyone else, but apparently there isn't...

(And God bless the NRA for making sure that no one ever reads the first part of the 2nd Amendment.)

Anyway, Ron Gould, R-Wild West, wants to make sure that every student on every campus of higher education in Arizona can be free to pack whatever caliber weapon he or she can afford.

Because there's no one more emotionally stable than your typical college kid. In between bouts of binge drinking, that is. So why shouldn't they have the capability of protecting themselves with lethal force from every threat, real or imagined? I mean, you just never know when a Mexican drug cartel is going to roll into fraternity row and start lopping off heads, do you? No, you do not.

Ron Gould, R-Smith and Wesson, must live his life in perpetual fear of being bushwacked. Gould, who represents one of those sad, backward little towns that border the Colorado river, where the mindset is still trapped in the 80's--that is the 1880's--probably takes his 12 gauge and a copy of the John Birch Society newsletter to the outhouse every morning. There he sits, ready for anything, waiting for nature to take its course.

Then he and the missus, (if there is a missus--did I mention Gould sports an "homage to Ben Turpin" mustache? Sweet!), and their brood of--no doubt--home schooled 'young-uns' take the buggy into the general store for provisions and such. All of them armed to the teeth, and constantly looking over their shoulders--because you never know. Might be Injuns! Might be revenuers! Might be that Obama come after Grandma with a death panel! Be afraid. Be very, very afraid!

Should this legislation be signed into law, it will do wonders to the out of state enrollment figures for ASU, NAU, and UofA. Because what concerned parent wouldn't want his son or daughter to have the right to carry a weapon on campus? I tell you, it's a game changer! Who says Arizona doesn't care about education?!

Our universities will never be known as the Harvards of the West. But God willing they have a shot at being the next Virginia Tech...