Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Will No One Rid Me Of These Meddlesome Priests?

I really don't care even a little bit about your religion. As far as I'm concerned it's a private thing between you and whatever you assume God to be--or not to be. Paint yourself blue and howl like a monkey. Handle poisonous snakes while you speak in tongues. Whatever. Just don't come riding up to my house and try and "convert" me. OK?

And stay out of the public schools, too. They have enough trouble teaching real science without adding in that "creationism" bullshit. Do us all a favor and keep your particular delusions to yourself (and those who share them with you). Then put on your sacred underwear, pass out the hymnals, and sacrifice all the goats you want...

Which brings me, naturally, to Rick Santorum. Up until now, I've ignored him in the obviously mistaken belief that even an institution as decadent as the Republican Party wouldn't be unstable enough to seriously consider him as a Presidential candidate.

But no. Like an ADHD kid who's misplaced his ritalin, the Republicans can't seem to concentrate long enough on any one candidate. Oh sure, they all distrust Willard Mitt Romney--that's a given. But for an alternative? "Uh, Michele--no, Rick Perry--no, Herman Cain--no, Newt--no, uh, what was the question again?"

If they were still capable of shame they would all be ashamed by now...But, of course, they aren't. "Shame" disappeared as a concept in Republican circles many years ago. They have no use for it. No, what they have is a searing hatred of Barack Obama. They are in fact blinded by it. And so it is Rick Santorum's turn.

In addition to the usual mix of "free-market", "cut taxes", "end entitlements", "bomb Iran" conservative blather, Santorum has some interesting "ideas" about morality...and women. The key "idea" seems to be that women are essentially chattel. Oh sure, he "cherishes" them, and he wants to "protect" them--just like you'd protect a valuable piece of property. But however valued they might be, they certainly can't be trusted with control over their own bodies and health. No, sorry little lady, but that's for the menfolk to decide. You are the weaker vessel, after all...

Santorum's "ideas" seem to especially appeal to the hierarchy of the Catholic Church (motto: "Trying to bring back the Dark Ages since the Dark Ages ended"). To my non-Catholic eyes, this hierarchy is a sorry, backward, agglomeration of cross dressers and pedophiles adrift in the modern world. But no matter. They still hold sway over millions of people and billions of dollars. And they like-y Ricky!! And why not? He's a Catholic.

Of course once sane people of any faith (and let's pray they are still in the majority or at least the plurality) begin to pay close attention to Rick Santorum's "ideas", he will quickly disappear as a viable candidate. Then again, maybe viability isn't what the Republicans are looking for this time...If it's a Holy "Take Back Our Country" Crusade they want, they might need the craziest guy they can find to lead it.

In any case, Rick Santorum has a bright future. I'm sure there's a weekend time-slot on Fox News waiting for him. He'll fit right in...

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