Great Moments In Arizona Law Enforcement

Let's call the roll, shall we?

First you've got the Border Patrol agents getting in a shoot out with each other, fatally for one of them. You know, there was a reason Andy only gave Barney the one bullet...

Then there's the southern Arizona sheriff, with three times the legal limit of alcohol in his system, wearing no seatbelt, who crashed his pickup. Sounds like he was going way too fast on a gravel road, too, but what the hell. "In for a penny, in for a pound", as they say. Now he's "brown bread", in Cockney rhyming slang. I'm sure to his family it's a tragedy, but to me it just looks like Darwin in action.

And what about Attorney General Tom Horne, currently under investigation for some funny business with a large sum of money during the 2010 election.

Don't forget  Paul Babeu, of "Baboo, You One Sexy Man" fame, still in the running for The Advocate's LGBT Hypocritical Lawman of the Year Award.

We certainly don't want to overlook Scottsdale cop James Peters, who, in his distinguished 12 year career, has been involved in 7 shootings--6 of which resulted in fatalities. Shoot first and ask questions later, huh?

All of these folks have a shot, no pun intended, at joining our Hall of Fame.

Whatever their noteworthy achievements, however, they will never be able to equal the ongoing disaster that is Sheriff Joe Arpaio.Very soon there will be yet another multi-million dollar wrongful death payout to the family of someone killed while incarcerated in Sheriff Joe's jail. That brings the total to, what, $50-60 million? Drop in the bucket. Then there's the $100 million gone missin' from his county funds. I'm sure it will turn up eventually. Probably just an accounting error, right? Add in the racial profiling, the pink underwear, the green baloney, Tent City, chain gangs, the hundreds of sexual assault cases he never investigated, the thousands of open warrants, the countless publicity stunts, and "America's Toughest Sheriff" has a record in "law enforcement" that is unparalleled. On the other hand, he's kept us safe from the ongoing threat of undocumented dishwashers, busboys, and gardeners. I'm sure the people who keep voting for him are very proud of his accomplishments. So don't be too surprised if he's re-elected. This is Arizona we're talking about, after all.

Now here's the really funny thing. I don't know about the Border Patrol agents, or "Quick Draw" Peters, but the rest of them belong to the Republican Party.

You know, the "Law and Order" party?

Ha Ha Ha.