Saturday, April 2, 2011

Enter the Donald

The 3 ring freak show that is the Republican presidential field for 2012 just got a little freakier. Noted historian Michele Bachmann, famous tweeter Sarah Palin, family values guru Newt Gingrich, hillbilly savant Mike Huckabee, and the impeccably groomed Mitt Romney please welcome a new playmate to the sandbox:

Say hello to Donald Trump!

Why? Because there comes a time in a man's life when he decides it's no longer enough to just be a blowhard real estate tycoon who mistakes glitz for style, and gilt for class; when the pleasure of hosting a reality show featuring "celebrities" willing to debase themselves to please you stops being fulfilling. No, one day you have that "ask what you can do for your country" moment, when you look in the mirror--Louis XIV, natch--and say, "what is that on my head?"

(Sorry, that was a cheap shot and I hate myself for it. But come on, if that really is his hair, as he insists, shouldn't a billionaire be able to find a better barber? It's almost like someone is playing a practical joke on him.)

Where were we? Oh yes. One day you look in the mirror and say, "hey! I have so much more to offer the world!!"

Now, I've always found Trump to be amusing, in a kind of PT Barnum way. The bankruptcies, the failed airline, the failed casino (really, how do you lose money with a casino?), the beauty pageant, the marriages, the books (Trump on the Art of the Deal: "first, take the $10 million your dad gave you..."), the constant self-promotion, the mind boggling egotism--it really is a history of American business excess wrapped up in one guy.

And, since the other Republican candidates are numbingly predictable in their positions and attitudes, having Trump around should have added a certain je ne sais quoi, in a Big Apple version of Ross Perot way.

But what did the Donald do right out of the box? Join the "birther" bandwagon. Now, you expect that crap from the Tea Party loonies and their beltway enablers. But this is supposed to be a sophisticated man of the world. And for him to pander so early on shows a shocking, almost John McCain-like, weakness in character. I suppose he thinks it's the only way to appeal to the Republican base. Note to the Donald: however much you debase yourself they're never going to vote for you. You're from New York City and New York City stands for everything they hate and fear.

And in the process you've shown yourself to be just another loathsome turd in a $5000 suit.

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