Thursday, May 5, 2011

A Nation of (F)Laws

Stand back in wonder and amazement as you gaze upon some of the new Arizona state laws that were recently signed by our illustrious governor:

HB 2645: permits a mentally ill person who has been rehabilitated to petition the court to have their right to own a firearm restored. Let's leave aside the question as to what kind of idiot proposes (or signs) such a bill for a second and concentrate on the idea of the "rehabilitated" mentally ill. What do you suppose that means? "Mr. Pearce, we've finally found just the right combination of meds to keep Russ Jr. more or less calm. Now would be a great time to get him a shiny new gun. Just make sure he keeps taking those little pills, OK?"

SB1406: allows the governor to build a fence along the Arizona-Mexico border on private, state or federal property if permitted. I'm guessing somebody has a brother-in-law in the concrete and block business, and times are rough, and gee, wouldn't it be great if we took a few billion dollars of state money and "built the dang fence" ourselves?

SB 1398: eliminates the state photo-enforcement system as July 1, 2012. Because Arizonans are all about obeying laws--except when the law is designed to keep them from driving like crazed tweakers on their way to score. That's where we draw the line. Because stopping people from using the freeways as their own personal racetracks is heavy handed government intrusion on our most cherished freedom: the freedom to be boorish, dangerous, egocentric pigs.

SB 1402: creates 10 special license plates, including the tea party "Don't Tread On Me" plate. They chose to call it that because "Asshole Racist Morons" doesn't fit as well in the allotted space.

SB 1495: authorizes the governor to establish the Arizona State Guard for any reason. Any reason? Now why would Jan Brewer need something like that? I thought Republicans were the small government is best, just leave us alone, folks. The Arizona State Guard? I can't wait to see their uniforms. I'm thinking plumes on the hats, epaulettes, and lots and lots of braided gold piping.

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