Saturday, September 3, 2011

They Must Think You're Stupid

Let's assume for the sake of argument that Simple W. got his way and Social Security was privatized in, say, 2005-2006. What do you suppose would have happened to all of that money in the great Wall Street meltdown of 2008?

Would Baby Jesus have come down and magically saved all the old folks' pensions?

Uh huh. That's exactly what would have happened! And they all lived happily ever after...

But those wicked socialist Democrats wouldn't let Simple W. and all the rest of the the Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight get their slimy hands on Social Security. So there was no need for divine intervention, and even though the economy crashed and burned, and millions of people suffered, there was at least some form of safety net for the most vulnerable of our citizens.

Time passes. People forget. 2008 was such a long time ago. Not to mention 1929. Who was this FDR guy again? Weren't things so much better when Reagan was President? Who's on Dancing With the Stars and what are the Kardashians up to?

There is much discontent across the land because President Obama hasn't been able to wave a magic wand and fix everything that his predecessor messed up. Also he's, well, black. And that doesn't sit well with the large number of Americans who are still living in the toxic past.

Lies become a kind of currency and an oxymoron-ic chant is heard across the land, "Keep your government hands off of my Medicare!" Wait. What?!

"Corporations are people! They have the right to unlimited free speech!" Huh?! "The Supreme Court says so!" Well, OK then.

Besides, didn't Lincoln say "of the corporations, by the corporations, for the corporations"? I'm pretty sure he did--I think I heard it on Fox News.

In the confusion, the billionaire owners of the country see a chance to finally destroy the pesky labor movement. "Those damn union workers have been stealing from us all these years! And all those annoying government regulations? They're stifling growth! Tell you what, let us do whatever we want to the air and water and soil, and maybe we'll give you a job. Deal?"

As the chaos continues, the really big brains of the Republican Party are back again with their "let's privatize Social Security" mantra. Because, to quote the great bank robber Willie Sutton, "that's where the money is." And we're talking about a lot of money. Imagine the broker commissions! Imagine the campaign contributions to Republican candidates! Tax deductible, of course.

And the beauty of it, at least from a satirist's point of view, is that there are people who listen to them and nod their empty heads and say "Yeah! What a great idea!"

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