Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Iowa? Really?

You have to keep one thing in mind as you watch the ubiquitous coverage of those salt of the earth Iowans shuffling off to the grange to cast their God given votes for the Republican Tea Party worthy of their choice.

The poor dirt farmers of the Hawkeye State have suffered through years, it seems, of first Paul, then Bachmann, then Perry, then Cain, then Gingrich, then Paul again, then Santorum, and always the multiple faces, Past Present and Future, of Willard Mitt Romney, each doing their own ethical limbo.

They watched in awe as each one bent lower and lower backwards in decrying the meddling big government forced on us all by everybody's favorite Kenyan anti-Colonial Socialist, Barack Hussein Obama.

Solemn, heartfelt promises were made, and if they were all kept, in some imaginary Republican Never Never Land, there would be no goddamned government telling us what to do! No EPA, no FDA, no IRS, no Departments of Education, Commerce, or Energy, no FEMA, and especially NO, absolutely NO Obamacare!

Every attack on the pernicious nature of the federal government was rewarded with grunts of approval, fervent "yeahs!", and sometimes even applause from the good burghers.

Oh, it's been nothing but fun, watching the candidates twist and turn, leap frogging each other in a race to the bottom of the barrel. But now it's time to get down to the real nut crackin'. Time for a little old fashioned small "d" democracy in action! Time to choose your favorite Horseman of the Apocalypse!

However, before we get to that, here's the one thing you have to keep in mind: these proudly self-sufficient Iowa Republicans get to share well over a billion dollars a year in federal farming subsidies--and have for many, many years.

They hate the big, nasty federal government...except when it's helping them.

Of course, Iowa is only the first step. Win or lose, it's on to New Hampshire, where the tough, independent, "just leave us alone" Republicans of the Granite State no doubt also hate the big, nasty federal government--until they need it. Then down to South Carolina, y'all, where they're still fighting the Civil War.

It may seem like this party has been going on for far too long, but trust me, the fun is just beginning...

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