The apple doesn't fall very far from the tree

I hold in my hand a press clipping about Ben Quayle. I realize this means nothing to most of you. I can hear you now: "Ben who?" Ignorance is indeed bliss. But because I live in a congressional district that is so overrun by Republicans that the rotting corpse of Joe McCarthy would stand a good chance of being elected by acclamation, just who and what Ben Quayle is matters to me. You see, for reasons completely beyond my control, Ben Quayle happens to be my Representative. In other words, in the hallowed halls of Washington DC, he speaks for me. I have to pause for a second here because I just threw up in my mouth....OK I'm better now. Young Ben, who has absolutely no qualifications to be anything at all but the spoiled son of a historical embarrassment, replaced the legendary John Shadegg. (Yes, I am being sarcastic. As far as I can tell Shadegg never did anything during his many years in the Congress. So let this be a lesson to those of you who think things can't get any worse. Things can always get worse. At this rate, in a few years my district will be represented by a large, steaming pile of horse shit, with one of those flag lapel pins stuck somewhere on it.)

So far Young Ben's chief claim to political fame is his campaign ad that declared Barack Obama to be 'the worst president in history.' Which leads me to believe that Young Ben was in a coma during the Bush years. (Would that we were all so lucky.) It goes without saying that he's never read any history, if he can indeed read. (Don't laugh, it isn't uncommon for the scions of famous families to have all sorts of, let us say, deficiencies. To be fair, Young Ben Quayle hasn't had an easy life. Being the son of a moron must cause a multitude of interesting psychological issues. But I'm not a psychiatrist, geneticist, faith healer, bartender, potato farmer, or anyone else qualified to discuss Young Ben's problems. I'm just a constituent.) In the same ad he promised to 'knock the hell out of Washington.' Washington, you have been warned. Proceed at your own risk.

Now that he's been elected, Young Ben has tempered his rhetoric a tad. He now says, 'I have great respect for our president. But I think the policies and the initiatives he's been pursuing are damaging our country. And my generation and future generations will actually inherit a weaker nation.' Whoever wrote that for Young Ben deserves a raise. It is respectful, and well reasoned, and though I completely disagree with it, at least I don't find it offensive. I'm not sure if it's the kind of thing that plays well to his Arizona base, though. Time will tell if Young Ben Quayle can walk the fine line between Republican Country Club respectability and Tea Party Howling at the Moon Lunacy. If he can, there's no telling how far he can go in Arizona politics...