Martha McSally Doesn't Belong In The Senate

This isn't about being unqualified.

If we only elected qualified people to the Senate, we'd have at least 53 openings right now.

This also isn't about her "say anything, no matter how untrue, to win" approach to campaigning. ALL Republicans follow that playbook, from King Donald the Last on down. 

No, the thing is McSally lost.

We had an election and she lost.

L.O.S.T.

That should count for something.

Even a Republican should understand that.

Even Governor Doug "Cup or Waffle Cone?" Ducey should understand that.

But since Ducey is apparently a wholly owned subsidiary of the Koch Brothers, and thinks only of making his masters happy, naturally he appoints a loser to the Senate.

One more vote to screw working class people and minorities and dismantle whatever remains of the safety net is always welcome in the big Republican tent.

Sure, it's probably only for a couple of years...I can't imagine that her screechy, constantly lying, phony patriot persona will get her re-elected, but we've seen how much damage the Republican clown show can do in only a couple of years.

No, Martha McSally is a loser. Let her get a gig at Fox News with all the other halfwit bottom feeders.

Arizonan Of The Year

And here I thought Texas's Louie Gohmert was hands down the biggest ass hat, ignorant, peckerwood, dipshit, ever elected anywhere.

Au contraire.

As reported in the Phoenix New Times, Arizona Republican State House Rep. David Stringer was recently captured on audio calling non-native English speaking students a “burden,” saying black people “don’t blend in” and lamenting a supposed “white flight” in more diverse areas of the country.

After a lecture (!?!) at Arizona State University, Stringer told a student that “diversity in our country is relatively new." When challenged on this by the student, who mentioned the Italians and Irish,  Stringer replied “They were all European...So after their second or third generation, everybody looks the same. Everybody talks the same. That’s not the case with African-Americans and other racial groups because they don’t melt in. They don’t blend in. They always look different.”

When asked whether that should matter, Stringer hemmed and hawed, saying “maybe it doesn’t” but that “it seems to matter to a lot of people.”

Uh huh. It matters to a lot of bigoted, ass hat, peckerwood, dipshits.

You know, like David Stringer and the people who support him.

Your move, Gohmert. Your title is being challenged. Time to step up the stupid.

A Few Words About George H.W. Bush

Someone once said that you shouldn't speak ill of the dead.

Uh huh.

But then I'd have very little to say about George H. W. Bush.

So here goes:

Willie Horton. (Ooh look! A scary black man! Be afraid! Be very afraid!)

Lee Atwater. (See above.)

Iran-Contra. (Bush famously claimed to be "out of the loop" about the Reagan White House's arms deals with Iran. Fortunately--for some--he was President and "back in the loop" when it was time to pardon everyone involved.)

April Glaspie. (Remember her? She's the one who essentially told Saddam Hussein that he could do whatever he wanted with Kuwait--we didn't care. But she did not do this on her own...)

Dan Quayle. (Having a halfwit a heartbeat away from the Presidency is never a good idea.)

C.I.A. (Once a C.I.A. boy, always a C.I.A. boy.)

Prescott Bush (His Daddy, who by some accounts was allegedly part of an attempted coup against FDR, and who was also a banker friendly to the Nazis.)

This was in no discernible way a "great" man. Was he better than his son, Simple W.? Sure.

Was he better than the oozing pustule now besmirching the White House? Of course he was. That bar is awfully low, though.

Rest in Peace, Poppy. (It's better than you deserve.)

Some Stains Won't Go Away

One of the sadder facts about life on earth is that there are certain strains of humanity that simply won't die off.

One obvious one is the army of cretins that stand behind our #fakepresident while he's giving one of his, uh, let's call them unhinged rants.

First, and this will be very, very, hard for most of us, tune into the next Trump Rally. Then, in the interest of your mental health, turn the sound off. Now, ignore the screeching, traitorous baboon waving his flabby arms and gesturing with his tiny, feminine, hands.

Instead, focus on the baboon's fans.

Look at their faces.

They worship a man who is a proven liar, cheat, fraud, sexual predator, crook, racist, misogynist, and to top it all off, a traitor.

They do not believe any of these things, of course. They love him. They want to be him. He is them. They are him. Naturally, as in any cult, they share many of his failings. Remember the women in the "grab my pussy" t-shirts?  He wouldn't touch any of them with a 10 foot pole. But they think he would. He is the shill, they are the suckers.

So, forget about your "fake news" and your so-called "facts". These are the baboon's children. 50 years of Republican lies and dirty tricks have led us to this. One of our two main political parties has become a cult of MAGA hat wearing morons. You cannot reason with them. Do not bother to try.

If they all disappeared tomorrow, the world would be a better place.

Sadly, they will not.

Other Trump Related Children's Toys Just In Time For Christmas!

Perhaps by now you've seen something called Trumpy Bear.

It is, believe it or not, a Trump themed stuffed toy bear...you know, for the kids.

Not all parents love their children, after all.

But Trumpy Bear is not the only Trump related child's toy.

There's Baby Trump, which shits all over the floor. Repeatedly. And then blames somebody else. That's all it does. But, in the interest of accuracy, isn't that enough?

Then there's a scale model of Trump Tower, complete with scab Polish laborers, Mob concrete, lots of cheap, gold colored crap, and more fire code violations than you can count. Bankrupt casino sold separately.

Don't forget Lil Trump. Despite being life size, with almost realistic paste on hair, tiny little hands, and a shiny red tie you could trip over, this doll is a moral and ethical pygmy. Couple that with a complete lack of empathy and you have just the thing for the lil sociopath in your life.

For the child with a hint of larceny, there's the easy bake Trump Tax Return. Talk about cooking the books! Help your child learn numbers, while he also learns how to cheat the government. Fun for the whole family.

And what Christmas would be complete without TalkingTrumpy? Just pull the cord and he starts to lie. About anything. About everything. And he never, ever, stops...

"First Man"

"First Man" is not a great movie.

It's full of good people, including Ryan Gosling and Claire Foy. It was directed by Academy Award winner Damien Chazelle, and it tells the story of Neil Armstrong, the 'first man on the moon.' The problem is that Armstrong was apparently so taciturn, so guarded emotionally, that there's not much to hang a drama on.

So, even with all of that talent involved, it's a slightly above average movie. Certainly nowhere close to "The Right Stuff", which is a classic. Not nearly as entertaining as "Apollo 13".

What is interesting, at least for me, is that the film is a stark reminder that as a nation, we used to do great things--or at least attempt them.

As JFK said about going to the moon, "we choose to do these things not because they are easy, but because they are hard."

We don't even attempt hard things anymore. Now all we seem to be able to do is tread water.

We give tax cuts to billionaires, keep Defense contractors fat and happy, make sure every nut has access to all the guns he or she needs, and meddle in women's private lives.

Massive infrastructure rebuild? Na.

Green energy program? Na.

Universal health care? Na.

These are all easier than going to the moon. But...na.

Let's not even think about a concerted national effort to curb the increasingly obvious effects of global warming.

For these things we'd need leadership on both sides of the aisle.

And one side has decided that nothing is as important as keeping their rich backers satisfied and their crazy base in a constant state of agitation.

Just like that, we've turned into a sad, empty husk of what we once were.

Handy Voter's Guide

It can get complicated, this voting business.

Rich White Men spend billions of dollars to help make it so.

They pay for endless commercials and print ads that are just chock fulla LIES. I'm looking at you, Martha McSally.

They'll lie about candidates and they'll lie about various propositions.

They'll lie extra hard if there's money involved.

But there is a simple way to cut through all of the lies and dissembling.

When you get in that booth, just remember one little thing:

That 'R' by some of the candidates names?

That stands for RUSSIA.

It has nothing to do with democracy, the Constitution, or American values, at all. 

Repeat after me, "The 'R' stands for RUSSIA."

And if you vote for them--you are contributing to the destruction of the United States of America, plain and simple.

All Republican Women Must Be Suffering From Stockholm Syndrome

That is the only logical conclusion.

I know that logic has nothing to do with Republicans in general and Republican women in particular, but still, that is the only logical conclusion.

Why else would they continually vote against their own self-interests?

Equal pay for equal work. Maternity leave. Reproductive rights. Pre-school programs. After school programs. Universal health care. Social Security. Affirmative action.

All of these things are anathema to Republicans.

All benefit women.

And yet Republican women vote against them.

They are a textbook example of Stockholm Syndrome, literally sympathizing with their captors (Republican men).

Donald J. Trump Is Most Definitely A Nationalist

However, the nation in question is not this one.

Probably Russia.

A lot of people are saying Saudi Arabia.

Could be China, too.

Or South Africa in the 1950's.

Hey, what about Germany in the 1930's?

But it's definitely not the United States of America.

Let's call it Trumpistan. A place where the dollar is king. No, scratch that. The dollar is God. Everything has a price tag. Duty. Honor. Integrity. Patriotism. Everything. All for sale to the highest bidder. And you can lie and cheat and steal to your heart's content.

So, Where's The Body?

Habeas Corpus, as they say.

A guy goes into a building. He never comes out, at least not alive.

Jamal Khashoggi went into the Saudi consulate in Turkey. According to the Saudi's, he somehow got into a "fight" and was killed--accidentally.*

According to the Turkish authorities, he was murdered and then dismembered, or perhaps it was the dismembering that killed him, by Saudi security agents, allegedly working for the Saudi crown prince, Mohammed bin Salman, aka MBS, who apparently has both Il Trumpo, aka Baby Mussolini, and lil Jared Kushner, aka Mohammed's Bitch, in his pocket.

Now, it's possible to get killed in a "fight". You might get punched and fall and hit your head. You might be killed by the punch or punches. Who knows, maybe your opponent is a skilled kick-boxer. There are a lot of possible ways to die in a "fight". Why you would bother to get in a "fight" while you're picking up paperwork is left unanswered. And in photos, Jamal Khashoggi sure doesn't look like a brawler.

In any case, his body should be intact.

So where is the body?

I'm sure his family would like there to be a formal autopsy to determine the cause of death.

And a funeral...

*The Saudi's are now claiming that Khashoggi was killed by "rogue elements", acting without the authority or the knowledge of the Saudi crown prince.

Uh huh. Sure.

And our pathetic Traitor in Chief is ready to accept that "explanation", because, well, arm sales, and Jared, and, uh, you know. $$$$$$$.

Rogue elements? That's kind of like the 400 pound guy who, maybe, who knows, people are saying, hacked the election--for Hillary, of course.

Things Can Always Get Worse

I guess when you have a traitor in the White House, anything goes.

Drunk, sexual predator on the Supreme Court?

Why the fuck not?! Probably just "youthful indiscretion" anyway.

In the bag for the Saudi's? You bet! They have lots of money, after all. Besides, we shouldn't meddle in other countries' business. And really, what's one dead journalist, more or less?

Grab your ankles and bend over for Putin? With pleasure! Anything for your master.

Voter suppression? Gerrymandering? Sure thing! Some folks don't deserve to vote--know what I mean? And some other folks vote shouldn't count as much as a wealthy white male's.

Destroy Social Security and Medicare? Well, if our friends can make a buck out of it...Hell yes!

Undo everything positive about the ACA? Got to! Universal health care is the first step to socialism.

Farmer Donald

Farmer Donald had some pigs, ee eye ee eye oh!

And wherever Farmer Donald went, his pigs were sure to follow.

They stand behind him, their fat, mostly white, vacant, porcine faces glowing with a heady combination of stupidity and hatred.

And everything that Farmer Donald said, his pigs were sure to chortle.

Whether it be racist (oink) or sexist (oink, oink) or just another one of Farmer Donald's seemingly endless supply of hate filled lies (oink, oink, oink), the pigs would wallow in the verbal garbage like, well, like pigs.

It makes one wonder, in the brief amount of time that a sane person can watch it without retching, is this a political rally or a 4 H Fair?

In hind sight, "Deplorables" is really way too kind.

I Know! Let's Run Government Like A Business!

This notion pops up periodically.

There is, in fact, at least one current candidate in Arizona who promises, if elected, to "run government like a business."

(Of course he's a Republican.)

And I wonder, as one does, what sort of business?

Like a Trump business, for example?

A business that lies and steals and cheats on its taxes? A business that discriminates against people of color?

A business that hires thieves, liars, fools, racists, sexists, homophobes, and outright imbeciles?

A business that can only turn a profit by money laundering for foreign criminals?

A business that is a world wide laughing stock?

A business that goes bankrupt and leaves working people holding the bag?

That sort of business?

That sort of government?

Because that's what we have right now.

And if you really, truly want more of that shit, then by all means vote for the "run government like a business" guy.

Loud, Drunk and Obnoxious

We all know people who drink a little too much.

Some of them get sad. Some of them get somber.

Some wax philosophically. Some become screamingly funny.

And some become loud, obnoxious and violent.

In some people it tends to magnify whatever their true self is.

Since he won't answer honestly any questions about what kind of judge he might be, we only know a couple of things about Brett Kavanaugh for sure:

One is that he has an extreme sense of privilege and when that privilege is questioned he becomes obnoxiously loud, hostile, and very, very defensive. He went to Yale, dammit!

And two?

Well, Brett LIKES beer! I mean, he REALLY likes beer!

A lot...

Profiles In, Uh, Whatever

Jeff Flake, who desperately wants to be a "hero", but doesn't really have the stones for that sort of thing, and thinks he has some sort of future in Presidential politics (normally I'd say 'insert raucous laughter here', but Jesus Christ, look at what's in the White House now!), will occasionally "pretend" to be opposing Republican Party policies in some "brave" way and for some "noble" reason.

So it is with his Brett Kavanaugh posturing.

Do not be fooled.

Jeff Flake is just another Republican hack, trying to act like a "patriot" while stuffing his pockets with as much corporate money as he can, and voting with the Traitor in Chief almost ALL OF THE TIME.

Does Arizona grow any other kind of Republicans?

No. It does not.

Does America grow any other kind of Republicans?

No. Not anymore.

Gee, I Guess No Republican Woman Has Ever Gotten An Abortion, Huh?

To white male conservatives, women are essentially chattel.

Breeding stock. The "weaker" sex.

Too, uh, emotional, to control their own reproductive systems.

So men must control them.

And since the right to a safe abortion takes some of that control away, abortions must be outlawed.

That has been the sole thrust of large segments of the Republican Party for the last 40 years or so.

All those slobbering evangelicals screaming their fool heads off about Roe v. Wade.

They care, oh they care so deeply, about those fetuses.

Doctors are murdered, clinics are bombed, women are terrorized--all for those magic fetuses.

(Of course, once the child is born, unless he or she is white and rich, the good folks over at the GOP couldn't care less about them. Day care, family leave, Head Start,  good public schools, health care, subsidized lunches, after school programs? Nah. That's all handouts. That's all socialism.)

Since 99.9% of this vileness comes from the Republican Right, it raises the question asked in the title of this post; "Gee, I guess no Republican woman has ever gotten an abortion, huh?"

And if you believe that, well...

Fortunately, there is a solution and it's really pretty simple: if you are a female, and are against abortion--don't have one.

And if you are male, and against abortion--shut the fuck up. Mind your own goddamn business.

See. Simple.

Welcome To The Republican's Big Tent!

Hello!

Person of color? Gosh, how did you get in here? I mean, are you sure this is where you want to be? Really?

Billionaire? Thanks for coming! That big table up front is reserved just for you!

Female? In the back, please.

Gay? "Closeted" or "out"? "Closeted" sit near the front. "Out" please get to the back, by the women.

Idiot? We certainly need as many of you as we can get!  The more the merrier, in fact! But don't sit too near the billionaires. It bothers them. They're very sensitive.

Homophobe? See those idiots over there? That's right. Sit with them.

Rapist? Hmmm. Who did you rape, male or female? Female? Over here. Male? Uh, gee. Over there I guess. With the clergy.

Criminal? White collar? Sit near the billionaires. Other crimes? Wherever there's an open seat. Remember to mingle.

Racist? Sit wherever you want! That goes for you, too, gun nuts and fundamentalists.

But please save some seats for our Russian friends. After all, they paid for most of this.

World's Largest Snowflake

Donald J. Trump, who is a stable genius with all the best words, and who knows the best people, would love to talk to that wicked, wicked Robert Mueller.

After all, Donald J. Trump has nothing to hide.

Except....well...

Perhaps you haven't noticed this, but Donald J. Trump cannot tell the truth.

Now, you might think that this is something that should have been dealt with when Donald J. Trump was a little boy. But, no...

It wasn't.

And he grew and he grew and he grew (he's still growing, in fact) as did the size of his lies.

He's reached the point where his first response to any situation is to lie about it. Hurricanes, health care, immigration, NATO, the economy--you pick one and he has a lie ready for it.

So, even though Donald J. Trump is our "smartest" President, with those "superior genes" he likes to remind us of, his many lawyers will not let him go mano y mano with that awful Robert Mueller.

Because, in the words of one of them, Donald J. Trump is a "fucking liar."

And if he ever got in front of Mr. Mueller, who, unlike Donald J. Trump, is very, very good at his job, our stable genius in chief would simply start to melt, like the World's Largest Snowflake.

No, it's much safer for Donald J. Trump to stay far away from those nasty men with their tricky questions.

Better that he keep holding his Hillbilly Nuremberg rallies for the poor, frothing at the mouth morons, who worship him.

Drip drip drip...

Signor Baseball's "Down The Stretch They Come!" MLB Update

Let's see...where are we?

In the American League, the biggest surprises have been how good Oakland has been and how bad Baltimore and Kansas City have been.

In the AL East, New York is good, but Boston is better. So it looks like the Yankees will have to play the one game, winner take all, Wild Card game against probably Oakland. And the way their starting pitching has looked lately...well, they may be taking their 100 plus wins and all of those home runs home earlier than they'd like. What the hell happened to Baltimore? Jesus. It's one thing to go from good to average. That happens all the time in sports. But to go from good to tragic so quickly...that's the kind of thing that gets managers fired.

In the Central, the Indians have run away from a mediocre field. No other team in this division has a winning record, so it's kind of hard to know how good Cleveland really is. They do have strong pitching, though, and could cause some problems in the playoffs.

Out West, Seattle has been the biggest disappointment. So what else is new? Astros remain the class of this division, with Oakland a huge surprise. The Babe Ruth of Japan didn't quite pan out for the Angels, though he did show some flashes before the injury bug got him. And Texas is just plain bad.

So, let's take the A's over the Yankees in the Wild Card, and this is based entirely on how unpredictable New York's starting pitching has been. I suppose they could pull it together and make a run all the way to the Series, but...probably not. I wouldn't expect Oakland to go much farther than winning the Wild Card game. Cleveland is good, but not as good as Boston and Houston. Now that both of those teams are reasonably healthy, they should give us a very good AL Championship series. And whichever team wins will be the favorite in the World Series.

In the National League, the biggest surprises are Atlanta and Philadelphia. They were supposed to be a year or two away from contending, but with the Nationals mired in mediocrity, the Marlins being plain awful, and the Mets falling apart, those timetables got sped up.

So the East will come down to which team, the Braves or the Phillies, stands up to the pressure best. I suppose they could both stumble badly, and Washington could somehow sneak through, but that's a long, long shot. Slight chance for a wild card team from this division.

In the Central, the Cubs pulled away as expected, but the Brewers and the Cardinals still have a good chance at at least one of the Wild Cards.

And in the wild, wild West, Arizona, L.A., and Colorado should go down to the last weekend before anything is decided. None of these teams seems capable of pulling away from the others. The Dodgers, on paper, and when healthy, seem like the strongest team--but they sure haven't performed like the strongest team. Still, at this point I like them to win the West. The Diamondbacks and Rockies have a very good chance at one of the Wild Card slots, but getting both slots looks unlikely. So, flip a coin...

Diamondbacks vs Cardinals in the Wild Card. Cubs win the NL pennant. Cubs vs Red Sox in the Series. Wrigley Field and Fenway Park? Should be loads of fun!

Of course, I could be wrong about all of this....which is why I never, ever, bet on sports. Too many variables.

Today's Post Is Brought To You By The Letter "R"

R is for RATS

R is for RUSSIA

R is for ROTTEN

R is for RACISTS

R is for REPELLENT

R is for REPREHENSIBLE

R is for REPUBLICAN

Have a nice Labor Day weekend!

Husband Of The Year

No, no, it's not Donald J. Trump.

He's already in the Hall of Fame of Husbandry, pornstar schtupping division.

No, today we're talking about Duncan Hunter, a Republican congressman (of course), who just threw his wife under the bus.

See, a fairly large sum of money was, uh, allegedly misused by DunkDunk and his missus. (Republicans have such an interesting relationship with money.)

And the federales want to know "why?"

Which is kind of surprising, considering that the DOJ is being run by a white supremacist peckerwood who seems to be only concerned with keeping "the coloreds" in line, y'all. Besides, what's more Republican than white collar crime? Nothing!

Anyway, DunkDunk's response is what guarantees him being Husband of the Year.

(I'm paraphrasing here, but you get the essence) "Gee, I don't know. I have nothing to do with it. My hands are clean. Ask her." Her being his wife, Mrs. DunkDunk.

Hell of a guy. Just the sort you want deciding important national issues.

No Big Parade For Cadet Bone Spurs!?!

#SAD.

And he was all set, too.

Got the cadet uniform out of mothballs.

Ordered a plus-plus size corset from Lane Bryant.

Asked Kim Jong-un if he could borrow one of those big hats that the North Korean generals* fancy. (Must keep the, uh, "hair" in place.)

Practiced his Mussolini jaw thrust.

Dusted off that Purple Heart that some delusional idiot gave him.

Watched Apocalypse Now again.

Got his G.I. Joes out of storage.

And now it's all for naught.

#SAD.

*(By the way, what's the deal with all those medals the North Korean generals wear? I may not be up on my Korean history, but I can't think of a war that North Korea has been in in the last 64 years. So what were the medals awarded for? Participation? Like in kids' soccer? Here's a juice box, a graham cracker, and a nice shiny medal! Or maybe you just get one every year you manage to stay alive with a murderous psychopath in power...In that case, we should ALL be getting some soon.)

How The Hell Did Omarosa Get Into The White House In The First Place?

Oh, that's right! Dipshit asked her in.

Just like he asked the white supremacists and the Nazis and the crooks and the incompetents and the  morons and the plain, garden variety liars. Welcoming them all with open arms.

One big, happy, family.

When you're a complete asshole, you like to surround yourself with your kind.

It's comforting...

"Only the best people." Remember?

And of course he uses the "n" word. Is there any doubt?

Tired of winning yet?

Dumb, And Working Very Hard To Get Dumber

It will no doubt shock you to learn that 3 of the 4 Republicans running for Superintendent of Public Instruction in Arizona think creationism and intelligent design should be taught in the public schools.

From the Republican perspective it is obviously very important to keep as many people as possible as stupid as possible.

Otherwise, where will the next generation of Republicans come from? You know, those "low information voters" beloved by our Traitor in Chief.

We keep hearing about how important STEM classes are...and then the good folks at GOP Inc want to add a fairy tale section to science class.

I thought that was what Sunday School was for...

As anyone who reads the letters to the editor of the Arizona Republic knows, there is no bottom to the stupid in this state.

It's like a fucking black hole, sucking in all who approach.

And spitting out good, brain dead, free market, law and order, build the Wall, not-a-clue, Republicans.

"Russia, If You're Listening..."

Please take him.

Please?

It's only fair. He's yours, after all. You made him.

Take his whole family. They'll fit right in. They're kleptocratic scum without an ounce of empathy or humanity. Ring a bell?

Now, the boys are very stupid, it's true. But you've dealt with your share of imbecilic scions in the past. It comes with the territory.

And the girl, well, she has some serious Daddy issues...You have psychiatrists in Moscow, right?

We will throw in his entire cabinet, too. It's a package deal. You could put them on display by Lenin's tomb. Keep your children in line by frightening them with the perils of unchained capitalism.

Oh, and make room for approximately 30 million frothing at the mouth morons. We will pay the freight.

They're his base, and he'd be lost without them.

Doesn't matter where you put them. A gulag in Siberia sounds about right.

Or, you could just slaughter them. Up to you.

Another Modest Proposal

Since we all believe in "law and order", I offer up this simple solution to a growing problem:

If you are guilty of treason against the United States, you will be put to death...on national television.

Just imagine the ratings!

None of this lengthy jail sentence nonsense.

No.

Hang 'em or shoot 'em.

Let the traitors choose which way they'd like to be removed from this life. Rope or gun.

But they have to go, as a warning to anyone who might consider committing treason in the future.
And, of course, all of their assets will revert to the Treasury.

Now, it looks like this will open up a lot of seats in Congress, in a several state houses, some law firms, and a handful of high paying media jobs as well.

Fox News will be especially hard hit. 

And that's a good thing.

New blood. Fresh ideas.

No traitors.

Donald J. Trump Is A Traitor

There really is no other explanation for his behavior.

He is scared to death of Vladimir Putin--probably for a variety of reasons. And as a result of this, he will do anything to make Putin happy--anything--ignoring whether or not it is counter to the interests of the United States and our allies.

If that isn't the definition of a traitor, it will do for now.

I'm old enough to remember when the Republican Party routinely smeared the Democrats as being weak on Communism, "fellow travelers" if you will.

Now, however, we find that almost the entire Republican Party and their soul mates at the NRA are in the bag for the Russians. Bought and paid for by Putin and his friends' money.

#SAD.

One important thing you need to understand about Donald J. Trump is that he is a pathological liar.

He cannot string more than two sentences together without lying about something.

He has surrounded himself with the kind of people who would steal the dimes off a dead man's eyes, because, well, he doesn't need them anymore.

Most of them are pathological liars, too. Birds of a feather, etc.

So, mix being a pathological liar with breathtaking narcissism, a seemingly uncontrollable sex drive, and throw in a desperate need for large amounts of money to maintain the illusion that you're successful, and one Donald J. Trump becomes a perfect target for an old KGB agent to turn. 

A useful idiot, to use a phrase popular with another Vladimir, Lenin.

A Russian stooge in the White House. Doing his boss's bidding.

Undermine NATO? Check.

Go out of your way to slight and demean our long time allies? Check.

Ignore warnings from all of our intelligence agencies, and consistently question the integrity of the FBI? Check.

Try to break up the EU? Check.

Turn a blind eye to Russian meddling in our, and other's, elections, past and future? Check.

Weaken sanctions against Putin's happy band of oligarch gangsters? Well, give him time...he's trying his hardest.

But do not hold your breath waiting for all of those "patriots" in the Republican Party to do something about it.

Because, quite clearly, they are traitors, too.

Stop Me If You've Heard This One....Part 2

An idiot walks into a NATO summit...

An idiot tries to "fix" health care...

An idiot starts a trade war...

An idiot insults all of our allies...

An idiot kisses up to any dictator who smiles at him...

An idiot separates children from their parents, with no plan for re-uniting them...

An idiot shits all over the Constitution while stuffing his own pockets...

An idiot appoints bunglers, fools, racists, crooks, and corporate whores to help him "run" the government...

An idiot...(fill in the blank)

Maggots

When it gets hot in Phoenix, and it often gets hot in Phoenix, if you have pets that you feed outside--or in a garage, you will get maggots.

Try as you might, just a little bit of uneaten pet food will attract flies...

And the flies will inevitably leave you with maggots.

Smash 'em, spray 'em, whatever you do, there will still be a few of the squirmy little bastards that survive.

Come to think of it, this is a shockingly apt metaphor for the Trump Administration.

One maggot, Scott Pruitt, is gone. But have no fear, he will be replaced by another maggot.

With Donald J. Trump in charge, there is always another maggot in the wings.

Everything He Says Is A Lie`

In poker, a game at which the Mission Man is much more accomplished than I will ever be, there's a thing called a "tell".

A usually subtle "give away" that a player may not even be aware that they're doing. A frown, a twitch, a blink, a pursing of the lips....

But a skilled player can take that seemingly insignificant "tell" and figure out how strong the hand you have is.

Donald J. Trump has a "tell".

And it isn't particularly subtle.

In fact, it's really simple. No need for deep analysis.

When he opens his mouth, everything he says is a lie. 

Doesn't matter what the subject is. Could be anything: immigration, foreign policy, the economy, race relations, his big bad Wall, China, North Korea, the European alliance, Russia--especially Russia.

I suppose he can't help himself. He's gotten away with it all of his adult life. Why stop now? Or perhaps he really believes all the bullshit he spews constantly. The end result is the same.

This is the consequence of a life without consequences.

Are All Republicans Traitors?

Or just most?

Are they all racists?

Or just most?

Here's the deal, and it's not that complicated: If you support a racist--You are a racist. And there is really no need to argue about it.

Oh, you can pretend that you aren't. Maybe even convince yourself and your like minded friends.

Doesn't change what you are.

If you support a traitor--You are a traitor, too.

So, forget all of that blah blah blah nonsense about "populism" and "white working class angst" and Making America Great Again.

Pure camouflage. Pure horse shit.

People that still support Donald J. Trump are racist traitors.

Now, maybe not all Republicans are racist traitors.

But the ones who aren't better find a spine and a little bit of moral courage and start speaking the fuck up.

Or they might as well be.

The Great Negotiator

The Great Negotiator will know, within a few seconds, a minute tops, how this is going to go.

He will look into the soul of his opposite, and instantly determine the outcome.

It is this seeming sixth sense that has guided him through all those bankruptcies.

Foresight, I think they call it.

You cannot be a successful grifter without foresight, after all.

And through all the years, the Great Negotiator has been a very successful grifter. Conned a bunch of suckers. Millions at last count.

So what's one more? And an Asian at that! Should be simple.

Piece of cake, in fact. The world's best chocolate cake, if you're wondering. Cake that someone like you has never seen the likes of. It worked before. It will work again!

It helps that the Great Negotiator's best friend, indeed his bromance buddy, Vlad, can put his hand on the scales at any moment, and make the Asian bend to his wishes.

What are friends for?

Gee, I Hate To Be Crude, But...

Ivanka Trump really is a feckless cunt.

Now, before anyone gets their right wing, "real" American, snowflake panties all in a bunch, I don't mean that in a sexual, or misogynistic, way. I use that word in its English context. Not American. English.

In the way that Mick Jagger meant, back in the '60's, when a stuffy old man who, no doubt appalled by Mick's long hair and Carnaby street kit, asked him "what he thought he looked like" causing Jagger to reply "don't know. So long as I don't look a cunt like you."

See? It means something different.

An idiot. A fool. A poseur.

And therefore perfectly fitting for Ivanka Trump.

Or her brothers, for that matter. Or her husband.

Or her father. Especially her father.

In fact, the Trump Administration is made up almost entirely of Feckless Cunts.

They should trademark the name, make a couple of dollars for Trump Inc.

Big Button Showdown Time?

Happily for satirists everywhere, it looks like our asshole in chief will meet with their asshole in chief.

At least for now...

Who knows what tomorrow might bring? Comedy, after all, lurks everywhere, and our Traitor in Chief is nothing if not irrationally mercurial. We are always one demented tweet away from everything falling apart.

All I can say is, if and when they do meet it will be like they're both looking in a mirror.

Shithead y shithead as our Spanish speaking friends might say.

Never forget one thing: North Korea is not, and has never been, an existential threat to the United States.

They are an annoyance.

Sure, they can be a loud annoyance. But only a two bit punk would get all upset about them. And only a two bit punk would be distracted by them.

Unfortunately, we have a two bit punk in the White House.

Real men don't get upset about little boys rattling their tiny sabers.

And if we had a real man in the White House this wouldn't be much of an issue.

Unfortunately, for the time being at least, we have Donald J. Trump--the exact opposite of a real man--in the White House.

Hopefully, the Master Negotiator won't sign over Hawaii to Kim Jong-un in exchange for some magic beans, and a McDonald's franchise in Pyongyang.

Guns Don't Kill People. Ritalin Kills People.

In a just world, Ollie North would be in prison. Or, perhaps, out on parole.

But this is not a just world...

So Oliver North, who was a TRAITOR, and probably still is, if the price is right, has a new gig!

Ollie is the newest mouthpiece of the NRA.

And Ollie's bit of wisdom about our latest (as of the instant I type this) school shooting, is that it happened because kids are on ritalin.

Not because of the ease at which anyone, even the craziest among us, can get access to all kinds of weaponry. Including some rifles that should only be found on a battlefield.

Not because the NRA, which is essentially the lobbyist for gun manufacturers, has had the Congress in its pocket for 30 years.

Not because the Second Amendment fetishists get all wound up by spurious claims that "the gubmint is coming for our guns!"

Not because this loud, vocal, minority cares more about their guns than they do about anything else. Anything.

No. None of those.

It's the ritalin that's to blame. That makes perfect sense, don't it?

Goddamn, this is a stupid country, chock full of very stupid people.

This Raises An Interesting Question:

When you're a lying piece of shit, do you know you're a lying piece of shit?

Take Sarah Huckabee Sanders, for instance.

She spends her days lying for the P.O.S. in the White House. It's her job, and she does it, willingly.

That is probably a prerequisite for working in this particular White House; the willingness to lie 24-7.

I wouldn't say she lies very convincingly...but others might.

Now, the question is, does she do it because it's her job? Or does she really, truly, believe all the lies she disseminates daily?

If she does it because it's her job, what kind of Christian is she? The kind who tells lies that she knows are lies?

Isn't she afraid of burning in Hell for eternity? That's what happens to bad Christians, right?

And if she truly does believe all of the lies, what kind of idiot is she?

Do they let idiots into Heaven?

One Thing You Can't Hide Is When You're Crippled Inside

Look, I've never cared for John McCain.

I grew tired of the "I was a P.O.W." card very early on in the game.

More importantly, most of his positions are directly opposite of everything I believe.

First as a Congressman and then as a Senator he has done next to nothing for the people of Arizona. You can look it up.

He would have been a bad President. Not as bad as W.  And no one will ever be as bad as that lump of orange fecal matter currently occupying the White House. But still, just the idea of Sarah Palin being a heartbeat away, as they say, should have given anyone with a functioning brain nightmares.

Now, it looks like the "Maverick" is on his way out. Like the song says, "everything dies and that's a fact". When he does, he will be given full military honors, which he certainly deserves. He does not deserve to be mocked by that festering gang of morally crippled, ethical pygmies that takes its marching orders from Donald J. Trump.

And there is a pretty good chance that whatever replaces him will be worse. This is Arizona we're talking about, after all.

However, one thing is beyond dispute. John McCain has never been a traitor.

Donald J. Trump, and anyone associated with the criminal enterprise that he calls his administration, can't honestly say that.

Trust Me, Nobody Cares If You're A Christian

Oh, the poor, set upon Christians. Apparently some of them are worried that their religion is under attack. Boo hoo.

Perhaps it will be outlawed by the evil humanists, with all their so called facts and reason!

War on Christmas! War on Christmas! War on Christmas!

Trust me, humanists really don't give a fuck.

You can believe whatever fairy tales you want. Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, Baby J. Whatever.

Just don't expect the rest of us to. And please don't try to force your fairy tales on us. OK?

Go to your tax free churches, where some of your ministers spew hatred and complete nonsense, beg for forgiveness and then pretend you're "saved" and therefore somehow morally superior to the rest of us "Godless infidels." Oh, and always remember to drop a little something in the plate when they pass it your way. Otherwise, there are no guarantees.

Really, all I can say to that kind of nonsense is "Jesus Christ!"

It's All OK!

Here's the deal:

You can be a rapist, a thief, an idiot, a child molester, a downright fucking moron...

But if you have that "R" after your name, it's all OK!

You can be a serial liar, a phony Christian, a racist, a misogynist, a homophobe...

But if you have that "R" after your name, it's all OK!

You can be a stooge for a foreign country, a draft dodging chicken hawk, morally bankrupt, financially corrupt...

And that "R" makes it all OK!

You can conspire with the government of an enemy nation to subvert our elections, you can dismantle 100 years of progressive legislation, you can stuff yourself and your family from the public purse, you can despoil the public commons, sell off the nation to the highest bidders...

As long as that "R" is there, no need to worry!

You can even be a full blown traitor, who spends his day committing treason while wiping his ass with the Constitution...

When the cops come, just show 'em your "R".

The "R" that now stands for Russia.

Signor Baseball's 2018 NL Preview

Let's take a break from watching the latest porn star revelations about that pig in the White House and think about something more pleasant.

NL East: Washington has the best team--but the Nationals have been the best team for a few years now, and have next to nothing to show for it. Bryce Harper will hit many home runs and Max Scherzer will strike out many batters, but somehow they always find a way to fail in the playoffs. And that gets old, after awhile. So, let's go with the Mets, who have superior pitching (if they can stay healthy) and an interesting collection of proven (read "old") players, and some castoffs trying to prove their former teams wrong. Whichever team finishes second should have a good shot at a Wild Card. Philadelphia and Atlanta are both works in progress, with loads of young talent, but still a couple of years away.  Miami is a complete dumpster fire. Derek Jeter was a sure fire Hall of Fame player, but as an executive, right now he's in the Rookie League.

In the Central it should be the Cubs, and rather easily, too. I don't think they're going to miss Jake Arrieta too much, but if they do, that might just open the door enough for another team to sneak in. The Cardinals are always competitive--they just don't have the same level of talent as Chicago.  Their best hope is a Wild Card slot. The Brewers and perhaps the Pirates could also be in the Wild Card race, with a few breaks. Milwaukee is the more likely of the two. They added two very good outfielders to an already competitive team. Pittsburgh can put a pretty strong starting 8 on the field every day, but they have to hope that a mostly untested pitching staff is ready for the big leagues. The Reds have Joey Votto and, uh, well...Cincinnati will try not to lose 120 games. We all need goals in life.

And finally, the West will be wild. The only team that definitely won't be in the chase are the Padres, and apparently they have a loaded minor league system, so, as they say, wait until next year, San Diego. In the meantime, enjoy some fresh seafood and a walk on the beach. The Dodgers could possibly repeat, but they've already had one key injury, and beyond Clayton Kershaw, L.A.'s starting pitching isn't particularly reliable. San Francisco fell apart last year, after Madison Bumgarner's injury. So they went out and got a couple of reliable, if older, bats...and Bumgarner gets hurt again. Who knows what will happen until he gets back? If the Giants haven't dug themselves a deep hole--like last year--they may be a long shot for a Wild Card. Colorado was a Wild Card last year, and could conceivably be one again. Strange things have been known to happen in that thin Denver air. I can't believe I'm saying this, but the Diamondbacks look like the team to beat. Arizona puts a solid team on the field every day and if their pitching holds and they can get through the year without any major injuries, they should be the class of the West.

Signor Baseball's 2018 AL Preview

Baseball is unique among the team sports in that you only put your best team on the field every 4th or 5th game.

That's when your "ace" pitches. The next 3 or 4 games you will start, by definition, an inferior pitcher.

Now, on the better teams, the drop-off from your number 1 starter to your number 2 starter may not be that great. And the same thing applies between your 2 and 3, 3 and 4, and 4 and 5.

But on the bad teams, the drop-offs will be precipitous and calamitous.

So, yeah, it is a cliche, but it does almost always comes down to pitching...

AL East: the Yankees will hit 300 home runs...and they will strike out well over 1000 times. They seem to be overloaded with right handed bats, and there will be games they look like the reincarnation of the fabled Murderer's Row and games where they strike out 15-20 times. They have a great bullpen--on paper, though I'm not entirely sold on Aroldis Chapman as a closer. He ain't no Mo Rivera. Their starters also look superior on paper--but again, I'm not sure they can stay healthy for the entire year. Add in a new manager, who's never managed before, and a pennant begins to look problematical. I suppose they could figure it all out, have everything fall into place, and win 115 games...but, no. So let's go with the Red Sox to repeat, with New York and Toronto close behind, with at least one Wild Card coming from this division.  Boston is loaded with big bats, too. And for some reason, their starting pitching doesn't worry me as much as the Yankees. Toronto will score many runs and hope for the best from their starters. Baltimore's window seems to have closed, and God only knows what they're thinking in Tampa.

AL Central: even though they fell apart in the playoffs, Cleveland is still by far the class of the Central. They can hit, they can field, and even though the bottom part of their rotation is sketchy, they still have enough to run away with this division. Chicago, Kansas City and Detroit all look very mediocre. The Tigers are in complete tear down mode, the Royals are attempting to rebuild and still stay relevant, and if anyone can figure out what the White Sox are doing, please drop me a line. Minnesota isn't mediocre, but the Twins aren't anywhere close to Cleveland, at this point. Slight chance for a Wild Card coming out of this division.

AL West: the Angels are now in possession of the Babe Ruth of Japan! And honestly, he's looked pretty good so far, both on the mound and at the plate. However, it is a long, long season, and if you have a weakness as a hitter or pitcher, your opponents will figure out a way to exploit it. So we shall see if Mr. Ohtani really is the Babe Ruth of Anaheim. Even with the Sashimi Bambino and Mike Trout, the Angels aren't the best team in this division. That would be the Astros. You know, the World Champions? Houston has added pitching to an already strong staff. They're loaded with hitters, too. Everyone else is playing for second, with the Angels and Mariners having the best shot at a Wild Card slot. However, Seattle has disappointed everyone the last couple of years, so why pick them to do anything? Texas doesn't look to have enough starting pitching, besides Cole Hamels, to keep up and Oakland may be the worst team in the majors. That small market, small payroll, overachieving thing seems to have hit a wall.

Why Are You So Afraid Of Russians?

This will take a little getting used to...

See, we've never had a President, or #FakePresident in this case, who was scared shitless of Russia.

Truman, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, the fraud Reagan, Clinton, both Bush's, Obama--even dear Jimmy Carter, who is usually depicted by the Right as a weakling, all of them stood up to Mother Russia, when necessary.

But not Donald J. Trump. He just can't summon the necessary backbone.

That's right, the Commander-in-Chief of the strongest military the world has ever seen, and the most economically powerful nation the world has ever seen, gets all wobbly kneed when it comes to Russia.

Talk about a snowflake...

The White House is currently occupied by a pustule in an ill fitting blue suit, with a clownish red tie hanging down to his dimpled, flabby thighs, who positively melts when it come to Vladimir Putin, that two bit gangster, and his country of kleptocratic billionaires and scared serfs.

So, the $64,000 question is "WHY?"

What does your boyfriend Vlad have on you, Donnie?

This Shouldn't Be A Surprise

Some of us find it fitting that Easter is on April Fool's Day this year....should be every year, shouldn't it? Anyway, in honor of the day, I will be turning wine into urine...

Now, where were we?

Oh, yeah. When a person shows you what they are, loudly and repeatedly, you'd be stupid not to believe them. They are what they are, and you will grow old waiting and hoping for them to change.

Donald J. Trump has been a punk ass bum for his entire adult life--and a good portion of his childhood, too. You can look it up.

His life has been an unrelenting assault on common decency. He is a swine. The people who support him are swines, too.

He has one goal: self-aggrandizement. He cares for nothing but stuffing his pockets, and putting his name on tacky buildings everywhere.

He cares for no one--except the daughter he wants to have sex with.

He is completely lacking in empathy for anyone else--except the daughter he wants to have sex with.

He has reduced our government to a sad game show.

He has reduced our standing in the world to a sick joke.

He is the living manifestation of The Swamp. Corruption is his core value.

The fact that he can damage our nation with his seemingly endless personal failings is the great tragedy of our times.

Donald J. Trump will not change. He will not deviate from his path. He will remain a punk ass bum until he dies, which can't happen too soon for me.
 

Only The Best People

Remember when our #FakePresident told us that he only knew the best people and his administration would only hire the best people?

Feels like a few centuries have passed since then, I know, but it was only little more than a year ago.

So, let's take a look at how some of "the best" people are doing.

Mike "Junior Jesus" Pence: any man who is afraid of what might happen if he's left alone with a (gasp) woman not his wife probably shouldn't be a heartbeat away from anything, let alone the Presidency. In general, people who think God is talking to them should be avoided, if not institutionalized.

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions: uh, whoever thinks it's a good idea to have a fucking white supremacist piece of shit running the Justice Department raise their hands. That is if you can, what with that sheet you're wearing.

Betsy DeVos: choosing someone with no practical knowledge of, or belief in, public education to run the Department of Education is exactly the kind of thinking we've come to cherish from our Flaming Orange Anus in Chief. Bravo sir, bravo!

Rick Perry: just another Republican idiot. No, the glasses don't make you look any smarter, Rickster. If only it were that easy.

Dr. Ben Carson: goes to show there are black idiots as well as white idiots in the Republicans' big tent. Some call that progress.

Wilbur "Ethics? What's That?" Ross: you'd think being on the board of one of the most corrupt banks in the world, the Bank of Cyprus, would disqualify you from being Secretary of Commerce. You'd be wrong. How about nodding off during meetings? No? Oh, I get it now. He makes Trump look virile and vital by comparison.

Steven Mnuchin: Stevie has him a trophy wife! But it sure wasn't for first place. Doesn't matter. They've both nestled up to the Government teat, and they are going to suck it for all it's worth.

General John Kelly: a racist, sexist, liar. It must be like looking in a mirror for Der Trump. Oh, wait. Kelly is a decorated Marine general, too, and not Cadet Bone Spurs. Uh, remind me again when we last won a war? Thank you for your service!

Scott Pruitt: you can't say that the Trumpster doesn't have a sense of humor. Most people would naturally assume that the EPA was created to protect the environment (I mean, Christ, it's in its name). And not to facilitate its rape and degradation, which is the only thing that Scott "First Class Is The Only Way I Can Fly" Pruitt is interested in. 

Jared "Side Hustle" Kushner: what can you say about this kid? Peddling his "influence" to whoever has a dollar. Slum lord. Tax cheat. Liar. "The apple doesn't fall very far from the tree" pretty much sums it up. His Dad is a crook, too. So naturally, he married into a family of criminals. They're not very good at it, but still, it's the thought that counts.

And let's not forget Steve Bannon, Roger Stone, Paul Manafort, Michael Flynn, Sebastian Gorka, Stephen Miller, Hope Hicks, Sean Spicer, Reince Priebus, Sarah Huckleberry Sanders, the Mooch, and each and every one of that crack Trump legal team.

If these are the best, sweet Jesus who or what would be the worst?

Hey, It Turns Out That You Can't Run Government Like A Business

Well, not an effective, fair, honest, government.

That's impossible if the "business" you're emulating is a Trump/Kushner business.

Now, if you want a third world, kleptocratic government, run for the benefit of oligarchs, then Donny and Jerry are your boys.

When the survivors write the the history of the Trump years, they will have to add wings to all the libraries just for the books about corruption.

If it isn't nailed down, our "businessmen leaders" will steal it, or sell it to the highest bidder.

So, a true statement would be "You can't run an effective, fair, honest, government like a Trump/Kushner business."

Glad we got that cleared up.

Now, about all of those vacant, pasty white faces, beaming their approval of whatever shite comes squirting out of Der Trump's anus/mouth as they stand behind him in the warmth of his toxic orange glow at his rallies....

All I can say about them is that there is no cure but death for such Deep, Deep Stupid.

We Are The Barbarians

What do you know about the guy in the house across the street?

Seems ok? Kinda quiet? Keeps to himself?

All around the world, there are guys across the street. Most of them are ok.

Some of them aren't.

Only in America can that "quiet guy, who keeps to himself" have military style rifles and thousands of rounds of ammunition.

You get angry? I get angry. Everybody gets angry, now and then. Everybody has a bad day, now and then. Everybody probably has a moment, however brief it may be, when they get mad enough to kill another person.

Only in America can someone take that anger, that grievance, that pissed off attitude, that moment of madness, and easily turn it into a few dozen dead....at a school, or a mall, or a concert, or an office building.

Our nation was settled by the outcasts of Europe. We may not have always gotten their best people.
We are mongrels, for better and for worse, in all of our "exceptionalism."

And, at times, that very fact leads to madness.

This entire argument over which guns are permissible under the Second Amendment is proof of that. Unfortunately, in America, money usually trumps common sense.

We are the barbarians.

Wait, I Thought Children Were Our Future

That's what people say, right?

"Oh the children! Oh the children! They're our future!"

Isn't there even a song about it?

These children, who comprise our future, go to school as part of their education/maturation/socialization.

So why, pray tell, do we fuck over teachers every chance we get?

Low wages, no respect, blame from everyone, money starved public schools, and in many states, the unregulated scam of charter schools, where the only qualification to teach is to be a homo sapien.

Do we really want these molders of young minds, who probably spend more time with "our future" than many if not most of "our future's" parents do, to be living from hand to mouth?

Do we want them abandoning their chosen career--and what an important career it is--because they can't make ends meet on a teacher's pay?

And now on top of everything we want them to be trained gunmen, too?

What the fuck is wrong with this country?

Many years ago there was a local radio host who went by the name "John Sage". One of his comments that I remember is this: "we live in a state that glorifies bankers and vilifies teachers."

Apparently that has now spread to much of the country.

Do we care so little about "our future"? Are lower taxes really worth that gamble?

So I ask again, what the fuck is wrong with this country?

Mass Murder Is As American As Apple Pie

Not much to add to the title.

17 dead? Ho hum.

Most of them children? Ho hum.

This is how we live now.

The NRA has the Republican party (and a handful of useful idiots from the Democrats, too) in their pockets.

And the NRA exists primarily to sell guns.

Forget that bullshit about safety and training and hunting and Constitutional rights and all the other bullshit that that PIG Wayne LaPierre spews.

The NRA exists to scare people into buying as many guns as they can.

So no, this isn't primarily a "mental health" issue.*

This is a $$$$$ issue. The NRA pays $$$$$ to their bought and sold Congressmen/women to keep the vast majority of Americans unsafe.

Ho hum.  17 dead? Price of freedom, my friend. Price of freedom. Just another day in our "Armed Madhouse."

*If we can get believing in white supremacy, racism, and fervid gun worship officially declared mental illnesses, then and only then, can we call this a mental health issue.

There's No Such Thing As A "Perjury Trap"

You either tell the truth, or you don't. No trap.

Pretty simple, huh?

Unless you're a Republican, I guess.

Unless you are Donald J. Trump, our #FakePresident, who lies so often, about so many different things.

He can't help himself. It's how he's spent his entire life.

He doesn't need to be "tricked" into lying, or "trapped"into lying.

He just lies....constantly. About anything and everything.

He's not smart. He's not successful. He's not patriotic. He doesn't have a shred of empathy for anyone. He's merely played a bunch of simpletons for suckers.

To put it plainly, his life is one, big, fat, lie.

So, sure, in that sense, having to tell the truth would be a trap for him.

The Trump Lexicon Decoded

Though on the surface it may seem like an impenetrable word salad offered up by someone with a catastrophic brain injury, it's really not that hard to decipher Fearless Leader's every word.

The truth is essentially the exact opposite of whatever he says.

For instance, "Crooked Hillary" decodes to "I am a career criminal. My Dad was a crook. I am a crook. And I've raised my children to be crooks, too. Ivanka (God I want to fuck her!) even married a crook, probably just to please me."

"There was no collusion" really means "Vlad! Vlad! What do I do now? Please help me. I'll do whatever you tell me to do--that was our deal, right? Just please help me!"

"Little Adam Schiff" deciphered is "I'm a sad, empty man. I'm a failure at literally everything I touch. Look at all those bankruptcies! I fucked up a casino, for Christ's sake! I screw working class people every chance I get. What kind of idiots would vote for someone like me?"

"I'm not a feminist" correctly interpreted is "What I am is a serial adulterer, with a taste for porn stars who remind me of Ivanka (God I want to fuck her!)"

"I only use the best people" said with a straight face decodes as "Look at these putzes. You'd find better qualified people in the line outside a methadone clinic. The truth is 'the best people' avoid me like the plague."

 "The Democrats are treasonous" simply means "I'm a traitor. The people who support me are traitors. In a just world, I'd end up like Mussolini, my rotting corpse hanging from a lamppost in downtown D.C. as a warning to all."

The State Of The Union

Well, let's see now...

Both houses of Congress are infected with, oh let's call them, for lack of a better word, traitors. They come from many different states, and backgrounds, but they all share one thing. That "R" by their names. R for Russia.

But at least the billionaires are happy!

In the White House, there's a large, orange turd, and his somewhat smaller turd relatives stinking up the place. This Turd King has surrounded himself with neo-Nazis, white supremacists, crooks, and morons of all shapes and sizes. So his family fits right in...

They are all stooges for the Russians.

But at least the billionaires are happy!

After a brief respite, the Supreme Court once again has a majority of corporate whores. The chances of them stopping The Turd King and his band of criminals as they destroy the Constitution and a century of progressive change is so small as to be un-measurable.

So goodbye clean air and water, goodbye work place safety, goodbye affordable health care, goodbye equal pay for equal work, goodbye common good, goodbye quest for equality for ALL of our citizens, and goodbye to America's standing in the world.  

But at least the billionaires are happy!

And maybe in their happiness, they will spill just enough to keep some of you alive...

Maybe not.

And that is the State of the Union.

Hypothetical

Let's say that you're an elected official from a political party that will do ANYTHING to win.

Lie, cheat, steal...whatever. You are ready, willing, and able to pander to the worst strains of American life. In fact, the worst strains comprise your base.

Let's say that a certain foreign country understands this about your party.

Let's say that this foreign country is happy to send millions and millions of dollars to your party, through means legal and otherwise, just to fuck with the United States. To weaken us at home and abroad. To weaken all of our alliances, especially the European ones.

This country is also willing to do "other" things to help...

And low and behold, all of that "help" put Donald J. Trump in the White House.

An ignorant, racist, sexist, crooked buffoon...but with that all important "R" by his name. So it's all good.

And here we are. Ceding our place in the world to the Chinese, who aren't governed by morons. Watching the European Union dissolve into factions, while the Russians wait patiently to pick up the pieces. Having America's word mean less and less on the world's stage. Becoming a punchline.

Unfortunately, when you ask a Republican controlled Congress to investigate how this happened, and what we can do to reverse it, you are in essence asking the criminals to investigate the crime.

Millions And Millions Of Imbeciles

Even after all of it, the non-stop lying, the wall to wall incompetence, the corruption, the racism, the beyond the pale behavior, the rampant egoism, the sexism, the general grossness, the Nazi coddling, the pornstar payoff--did I mention the wall to wall incompetence?

Even after all of that, there are still apparently millions of Americans who think that Donald J. Trump, the Flaming Orange Anus himself, aka the Racist in Chief, aka Putin's Boy Toy, is doing a good job as President. Make that a great job!

What this means is that there are millions and millions of imbeciles in this great land of ours.

If you don't believe me, try reading the letters to the editor of the Arizona Republic some time...

They may look like us. They may sound like us. They may enjoy some of the same things we do. Hell, you might even be related to some of them.

But they're still fucking imbeciles.

Since the Russian rigged election of 2016, there have been countless "think" pieces detailing how the Democrats should reach out to these "forgotten" voters. Listen to them. Make nice. Feel their pain.

No way. Fuck 'em! They are a loud, bitter, ignorant minority. 

They are deeply stupid and you can't change deep stupidity. It's too ingrained. Don't waste your time.

Better to let them stew in their ignorance.

After all, they obviously revel in it. Like pigs in slop.

The 200 Year Old Racist

Once and for all, Donald J. Trump is as healthy as any obese, pasty, intellectually incurious, septuagenarian who eats junk food all day, and whose idea of exercise is to either ride around in a golf cart, or sit on the toilet tweeting, has ever been.

He has excellent cognitive skills, too. (insert laughter here)

And he has "incredible genes".

(Have you ever had your genes examined during your physical? Me neither. In fact, I'm very interested in how that would even be done by an MD.)

The man is a fucking medical wonder, I tells ya!

And he has a doctor's note to prove it.

So that should settle that, huh?

After all, who you gonna believe, his doctor or your lyin' eyes and all the evidence to the contrary?

Norway

Norway is a Scandinavian country in Northern Europe. It's just chock full of white--very white--people. Translucent, almost.

When Hitler got all hot and bothered for the Aryan race, it was blue-eyed, blonde Scandinavians he was thinking of. The Ur white.

Oh, I'm sure there are a handful of non-white folks there, too. The Norwegians, unlike Donald J. Trump and his brain dead supporters, are tolerant people. But the only reason Trump, the racist piece of shit currently residing in the White House, likes Norway is because of the large majority of white people there.

I doubt very much that Il Trumpo could find Norway on a map. In fact, I'd bet money that he couldn't. But he does know about all those white people.

And he really likes white people. He wants them, and only them, to move here.

Non white people, not so much...

I suppose we could blame his racist piece of shit father for this, but that's a cheap cop out. Donald J. Trump is 70 years old. He should know the difference between right and wrong by now, whatever Dear Old Dad taught him.

Oh, one more thing. Why on earth would anyone from Norway, by all accounts a civilized society, with healthcare and education for all, and no Second Amendment rights' addicts waving their great big guns in everyone's face, want to emigrate to the good ol' USA? Visit? Sure. See a few shows, do a little shopping, maybe take the kids to Disneyland and the Grand Canyon. And then get out of this "armed madhouse", before someone shoots them. Live here? Not if they're sane.

I don't know what kind of hut you live in. Maybe, in the words of our Orange Turd, it's a "shithole."
Not enough gold leaf for his taste, probably...But America is made up of all colors, all religions, all languages, all cultures, all economic classes. If we ever lose that, we lose what makes us "exceptional."

Better to lose Trump, and all his enablers, as soon as possible.